Donnaonthebeach

Where Have I Gone??!!

2008-09-10T15:36:00.004+01:00

Sorry folks - if you keep coming back to this page and finding nothing new (firstly congratulations for your patience!), it's because I am in the process of moving my blog over to my website. I am still messing with it and figuring out how it all works, but the plan is to get back to regular blogging soon.

So, come on over to see me at www.donnaonthebeach.com

Don't forget to leave me a comment to say you've been by!

Love

Donna.x

Every Part of Every Body Has a Positive Intention

2008-08-22T22:19:00.000+01:00

www.youtube.com/donnaonthebeach

MIA

2008-08-22T22:11:00.002+01:00

Hello lovely readers!!! I am sorry, I have been missing in action a lot this month - just busy busy busy! A million and one ideas which never got made into blog posts...what a waste!!

The big highlight this week was the V festival in Staffs - Mud, Music, Rain, Sunshine, Mud, more Music and temperatures November would be proud of - BRILLIANT! It's wonderful when you can get into a situation where you are purely in the moment, oblivious of past, future, worries and stresses. And I was fully in that place during the headline act - Muse - totally present.

So present in fact that I lost my voice entirely! So when was the last time that you enjoyed being totally present and in the moment? Or are you too busy worrying about the past or the future? Put yourself in a situation where you can just be in that moment...you don't have to have the mud and the rain if you don't want to!

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - You Should Do This Challenge

2008-08-22T22:09:00.000+01:00

- A note from Donna -

As you read this, I will most likely be asleep - even if it's afternoon in the UK - yes, I am that lazy…but I have a good reason this time. Yesterday (if you're reading this on Monday) I went to the V festival! I am so ridiculously excited about this - my favourite band are headlining, and I haven't done the festival thing for a couple of years so the anticipation is HUGE! I do remember from years gone by though that even one day at a festival requires a massive lie in. So that's what I'm probably doing…maybe I should get up and work, it being Monday…but I am SO not doing that! Hazah!

- You Should Do This Challenge -

What should you be doing? Instead of reading this? Instead of relaxing? Instead of having a nice weekend? Instead of enjoying your life? Possible answers: working; doing chores; visiting family; making things happen. "Should" really is a cruel word. It manages to make you feel guilty, lazy, unsuccessful, and bad about yourself in just 6 letters. It's quite an achievement actually how bad "should" can make you feel, without trying.

Of course, it isn't the word's fault, it is the way we wield a 'should' - we use it as a weapon against ourselves. Try it - think of 5 things you should be doing or have done. Feel good about any of them? No, thought not. In fairness, as a weapon to make yourself feel like shit, it is enormously effective. But I'm guessing that as you're reading this newsletter, feeling like shit isn't high on your list of priorities?

If it is…what are you thinking??? I've long thought that in place of "I should" should be "I should but I'm not gonna" because most of the time shoulds are made up of things you don't want to do. After all, if you wanted to do them, you would be! There would be no need to should on yourself. You may be getting the sense from this that I am not a big fan of the word 'should'!

I don't mind it in some uses, but when it is used by someone to beat themselves up over what they have not done (and probably will not do), it drives me into a furious frenzy. It is not motivating to go through a list of all the things you 'should' do; it is never good when 'I should be doing the ironing instead of healing' is the main thought in someone's mind; and it is tragic when someone uses a should to stop themselves enjoying their life.

Please, for me, just for this week, don't use "I should"…replace it with "I want to" and enjoy your life. Life's too short to make it 'shouldy'.

- Something To Play With -

Your challenge this week is to erase the phrase "I should" from your vocabulary. Every time you catch yourself saying it (and if you're like my clients, this could be a hundred times a day!!), stop and replace it with "I want…" For example "I should be working" "I want to go and enjoy the sunshine" or "I should be doing chores" "I want to go to the pictures". The world won't end…and you might even enjoy yourself! Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

OnTheBeach - Bitch Slapping vs Back Slapping

2008-08-22T22:08:00.000+01:00

- A note from Donna -

Due to an exhilarating mix of work, procrastination, memory-loss and long lazy lunches, I am writing this on a Saturday night in the ad breaks between NCIS! It's fortunate that I have so much practice writing these newsletters quite quickly and that the ad breaks are so long! Not long enough for me to write an epic, so this week's a half cup. Enjoy!

- Bitch-Slapping Versus Back-Slapping -

So when was the last time you praised yourself? When did you last shout about your achievements? When did you last give yourself a big slap on the back for a job or a life well done? Seriously, when was the last time? And when was the last time you gave yourself grief for getting something wrong? When was the last time you put yourself down? When was the last time you were mean to yourself? Seriously, when was the last time? You don't even have to have done it out loud to someone else - inside your head counts too.

I'm guessing that you did the last one more recently than you did the first. Particularly in Britain, we are enormously good at self-deprecation. It's a skill! We hate to be seen as arrogant, so we go far too far the other way into the underworld of self-deprecation. Like most skills though, the self-deprecation skills can be transferred. What if you were to use those skills of observation, clarification, exaggeration and repetition to back-slap yourself rather than bitch-slap yourself?

What are you good at? What are you proud of? What did you do well? What are your best qualities? Instead of replaying the record which tells you what you're crap at, what you're ashamed of, what you did badly, your worst qualities, change the record and give yourself some credit for once. You're worth it!

- Something To Play With -

Big up yo'self this week - you don't have to become an arrogant arse, in fact, you don't have to tell anyone else at all. But I do want you to increase your self-belief by talking yourself up - just in your own head will work just fine. Stop hiding your light under the proverbial bushel, and start shining. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

Don't Let the B's Grind You Down

2008-08-04T14:25:00.001+01:00

My parents have a saying "Don't let the b*stards grind you down" - and there are times when this is the most pertinent advice that can be given! Because this is exactly what happens if you're not vigilant - years and years of criticism, minor annoyances and unsupportiveness can just grind down your good humour and confidence. Don't let the b*stards grind you down.

How do you stop them??? Well, trying to stop anyone else doing anything is an exercise in futility! So here's what you can do: don't take it on. Don't give away your power to someone else. Don't allow other people to put you down. They can say the words, but if you don't listen, those words have no power alone. Words can be like acid, corroding and eating away at you…but not if you don't take it on.

Put it this way, if someone called you a blueberry, how much would you take that on board? How much would you allow that to hurt you? How much would you repeat it and keep hurting yourself with it? I am hoping you are saying 'not at all'!! But if they call you 'stupid' or they criticise you or are unsupportive, that's exactly what we do - we take it as gospel, we allow ourselves to be hurt by it, we repeat it to ourselves and others and pick the scab off the hurt so much that we are scarred by it.

Funnily enough, when we get a compliment, we don't give that the same amount of energy and care! Interesting how we're more prepared to think the worst of ourselves eh? Anyway, we're talking about not letting the b*stards grind you down. Here's what I do when faced with an insult, a criticism, an annoyance, "feedback": I look at it objectively (once I've calmed down if it riled me!) and try to see their point of view. If they have a point, I take it as welcome help to improve - then I let it go. If they don't, I just let it go.

Notice that I do get riled (oh my god, I'm HUMAN! Shock horror) - but I don't give them the power to ruin my whole life! It is just a point of view, just a moment in time, just something given (often thoughtlessly). One person telling you that you are wrong does not make you wrong 100% of the time! So stop taking on this stuff - know yourself better, have confidence in yourself, and instead of repeating the bad stuff, repeat this like a mantra: I know that you are amazing, intelligent, worthy, wonderful and a really good laugh. Don't let anyone tell you different!

- Something To Play With -

Notice what you do when someone annoys, criticises or insults you. Do you shrug it off and move on? Or do you chew over old soup until you make yourself sick on it?? For this week, experiment with only repeating to yourself the nice things people have said to you - keep chewing them over, you'll find they taste a lot better! Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

Museums of poverty

2008-07-29T11:40:00.002+01:00

"One day our grandchildren will go to museums to see what poverty was like."

-- Muhammad Yunus
founder of the Grameen Bank & 2006 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate

In an e-mail from Rebecca Fine of www.scienceofgettingrich.com I received this quote. Isn't that the most wonderful idea? That our granchildren would not be able to see poverty in the world, that they'd be able to learn about it only by reading and seeing historical images! Do you believe in the possibility of a better world? Is that what you want? Is that what you are working towards?

Believe that little old you can't make a difference? Here's another quote for you: “If you think you're too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” Betty Reese (American officer and pilot) There are billions of people on this planet - if even a small (millions) proportion of them are working toward this future, it can't help but happen! Are you pulling with us?

Peace, abudance and love to you

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - I Am Where I Am and Where I Am Needs No Excuses

2008-07-28T10:56:00.000+01:00

- I am where I am and where I am needs no excuses -

My apologies for both stealing and changing the words of a well known cheesy choon. It's usually 'I am what I am' but today I want to talk about where you am. Where you are in your life specifically. I suspect that wherever you are, you'd quite like to be somewhere else - relationship wise, career wise, even geographically. That's natural, it's normal because part of what makes us human is our desire to grow, evolve and change.

Trouble is that because you'd quite like to be somewhere else, where you are now gets a bad rap. We often think that life will be better when we're richer, thinner, live somewhere else, have more stuff or more power…but often all that changes is that we get a bit richer, thinner, live somewhere else, have more stuff or more power. Somehow life doesn't get better. So when we are unhappy, we believe that where we are is to blame in some way.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not advocating staying put in a rubbish situation. But I do advocate being at peace with where you are, even enjoying where you are to whatever extent you can. Why? Well, first of all you are where you are in life…and you'll likely be there for the next few minutes at least - maybe even the next few days, weeks or months. So why not find a way to let it be ok to be where you are? You've got to be there anyway! Resisting reality is a sign of insanity - it drives you crazy! That resistance is a BIG part of why you feel so bad. Stop fighting the reality of where you are right now.

Secondly, where you are is part of your journey - if you are not totally loving where you are right now, it is helping you to get more clarity about where you'd like to be. This is a VERY GOOD THING! Most of us look at this contrast between what we want and what we have and get depressed, but actually if you didn't have 'this' how would you know you want 'that'? For example, every rubbish relationship you ever had brings you to a closer understanding of what you really want in a partner, and this experience helps you sort the wheat from the chaff.

Thirdly, contrary to popular belief, bemoaning, criticizing and denouncing where we are does not help us to move on. It actually undermines our confidence, keeps us stuck and makes the situation even worse! Years ago I was in a job I hated and I wanted to leave for 3 years…but when I came to terms with the fact that for now, I was there and I needed to start making the best of it, I decided to leave. Within a month! If you're feeling ok with where you are, you're in a great position to move with ease to the next phase of your life - and worse case scenario, you are where you are and that's ok!

- Something To Play With -

Think about a situation in your life that you'd like to change. Now find 5 things about that situation that are actually good. Now find 5 more. Keep doing this for a few weeks and notice how your resistance lowers and your confidence rises. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

Covering Your Ass

2008-07-23T16:02:00.000+01:00

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Enough of that crap . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.

The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Lol.

Donna.x

Do it Anyway

2008-07-22T12:02:00.001+01:00

I watched this video this morning and it gave me the shivers, so I wanted to share it with you!

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Don't it Make you Feel Good

2008-07-21T16:52:00.000+01:00

What was the last piece of 'advice' you were given? Was it to get out more, to work harder, to go on a diet, to sort yourself out, to be more focused? We're all surrounded by well-meaning people who give us advice, sometimes asked for, sometimes unasked. A lot of advice is useful, relevant and helpful. Sadly, some advice is just painful! I have a plan for dealing with advice - if the thought of taking the advice makes me feel good, I take it.

If it doesn't - if it makes me feel 'bad', I don't take it - no matter how logical it seems, or how appropriate. You see, there is no right or wrong when it comes to advice - only the person hearing the advice can know whether it feels good for them. Believe it or not, you are the expert on you! You are the only person in the wide world that can possibly know what is best for you…even if (gasp!) it goes against ALL advice.

When I started my own business, I got lots of advice…most of it unwanted, a lot of it irrelevant and useless, and some downright bizarre. For years, I would listen to this advice, take it on board, sometimes even take action on it - even though it just made me feel bad. I felt bad because I didn't want to do what they said, I felt bad because I didn't do what they said, but mostly I felt bad because I was listening to advice I had no intention of following!

When someone gives you advice, they can only give it from their perspective of the world - they can't give advice from your perspective because they are not you. And you have the right to ignore their advice without feeling bad about it. Now I'm not dissing advice at all - occasionally people will come up with an absolute gem of advice that will change your life. I just want to make sure that you know how to tell if advice is right for you or not.

This all started because I was talking to a friend about "The Yes Man" - a book written by Danny Wallace where he accepts every invitation sent his way (with occasionally hilarious consequences). My friend said 'you should do that', and at the time I agreed - but then I noticed that I'd started to feel bad about it - on one occasion I could barely keep my eyes open so said no…and felt bad that I'd put sleep before socialising. Insanity. So, make sure the advice you're following makes you feel good…and if it doesn't, why are you following it?

- Something To Play With -

Over the next week, notice the advice you are given. Notice if the idea of following the advice makes you feel good or bad. If you feel 'bad', thank them for the advice, and ignore it. If you feel 'good', take it on with good cheer…and make sure you keep feeling good. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

In Pursuit of Human Joyfulness

2008-07-17T17:28:00.000+01:00

What's this Donnaonthebeach bit all about?

2008-07-17T16:29:00.001+01:00

The House of 1000 Mirrors

2008-07-15T10:47:00.000+01:00

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Let's see What you're doing Wrong

2008-07-14T16:40:00.000+01:00

- A note from Donna -

Apparently there might be a recession coming in the UK in 3 months time. And there might not. I get really irate with the media, because they sensationalise EVERYTHING, and their stories seem to me designed to frighten people and bring about the very conditions they are scare-mongering about. Guesses about the future of the economy aren't news, they're guesses about the future…funny that they're not getting Mystic Meg to predict the FTSE eh? Bah humbug. As I recall, a recession has been promised every year since the last one, so if you'll forgive me, I'm not going to give an arse just yet.

- Let's see What you're doing Wrong -

So, what did you do wrong today? What did you do wrong this week? Where are you busy cocking up life left, right and centre? Well, if I were to answer these questions, I would say 1. Not writing this at 2 this afternoon cos it's 8 o'clock at night and I just started; 2. I over-reacted about something with my mom, and 3. Well, where do I start????

Ok, no I'm not serious about this. I'm just demonstrating something. If you start to look for what you're doing wrong, you'll find it. Even I, who am utterly magnificent and a wonderful person, can find things I am doing wrong. Easily. And boy, does it make me feel GREAT?! No. No, it doesn't. It feels horrible. So why would we focus so much on what we're doing wrong?

First of all, I think it's a largely unconscious thing - we don't wake up in the morning and say 'hey, I'm going to find all the things I'm doing wrong today and make myself feel like crap'. Well, at least I hope you don't! But unconsciously we are our own worst critic - take all the people who've ever pointed out the error of your ways, multiply them by 10 and you have your inner critic. An expert in telling you why you are useless.

Every part of every body has a positive intention - the intention of your inner critic is usually to motivate you to do better. After all, that's why people have criticised us all our lives - parents, teachers, partners…so that we can do better. Unfortunately it is not particularly motivating to be told what you are doing wrong all the time! So it's a great intention, just a lousy method of achieving the desired aim!

Here's the thing though - most of us are brilliant at finding our weakest points, superb at pointing out our shortcomings, fabulous at making ourselves feel bad. Imagine if we focused on finding our strengths; pointing out our brilliance; and making ourselves feel good? The tools are the same, it's just a slightly different perspective! This new perspective might feel like new shoes for a while - a little odd and not quite comfortable - but soon, you will wake up every morning to the thought "hey, I'm going to find all the things I'm doing right today and make myself feel WONDERFUL!"

- Something To Play With -

Go on, I know you are dying to exercise that inner critic. Come up with 10 things you are doing wrong at the moment. See how easy that was?? Now come up with 20 things you are doing RIGHT (reading this newsletter counts as it is a very wise and caring thing to do for yourself). Every time you notice your inner critic at work, ask him/her to use that razor sharp observation to be your inner cheerleader - pom-poms and all. Ready "Gooooooooooo ME!" Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

OnTheBeach - All is Interconnected

2008-07-11T12:19:00.000+01:00

- A note from Donna -
Wondering what I could write in this bit this week, I decided that despite the fact that we're having lots of weather here in the UK, I really couldn't keep embracing the British obsession with the weather and keep talking about it. So I pootled through a few back issues of this fine newsletter to see what else I've been talking about. As it turns out, 90% of the time I talked about the weather! No wonder I felt it was time to move on to another subject. And look, this week I'm talking about me talking about the weather. Sheesh I need some inspiration!! So, if you have any questions you'd like me to answer, send them in...save this section of the newsletter from my obsession with sunshine on a rainy day! Happy Monday one and all. ;-)

- All is Inter-Connected -

As some of you may know, as well as being a coach, writer, speaker and all round amazing person ;-), I also do Onsite Massage. This is a lovely massage technique that's in a special chair and takes just 15 minutes which is ideal for workplaces. No, this isn't a salesletter for this service! (but if you're interested, e-mail me!) Often, people will ask if I can 'just' concentrate on their shoulders or back and leave out the arms and head.

But the thing is, they're all connected. My usual answer is to say I'll do the normal massage routine this time, then next time if they'd rather I concentrate on one area, we'll talk about it again. This never happens. Because what they realise is that the shoulders are MORE relaxed when the neck, head, arms and back are also relaxed. (is anyone else singing 'the neck bone connected to the head bone'?)

And, by bizarre coincidence, this applies to all life. All is inter-connected. If your body is relaxed, your mind is more likely to be relaxed, and vice versa. Does anyone else get woken up in the middle of the night by something, finding yourself bolt upright in bed, body in a state of hyper-awakeness? Your mind quickly catches up…and then your mind is wide awake while your body goes back into relaxation mode…and then the mind catches up again and goes to sleep. Hopefully.

It doesn't always work of course, but it's a good rule of thumb to remember. All is inter-connected. So if you're having a shit time at work, this will inevitably bleed into your relationships and home life. If you are deliriously happy at home, this will feed into your work day. I love it when clients first begin to work with me, they work on one area of their life and suddenly other areas start to improve too - even though they haven't necessarily taken action on them. All is inter-connected.

Within your body, within your life, within your environment even - if everyone round you is miserable, chances are that will rub off on you unless you take steps to protect yourself. Likewise, if you surround yourself with positive, optimistic people, some of their cheeriness will rub off on you…again, unless you take steps to protect yourself! The good news is that now you are aware of this truth that all is interconnected, you can consciously create and nurture connections that improve the quality of your life…and if you work on ANY area of your life, the others will get better too!

- Something To Play With -

So which connections are bringing you down, and which are helping you up? How can you use the truth that all is inter-connected to make your life even more amazing? Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

Now That's what I call Bloody-Minded!

2008-07-01T17:44:00.002+01:00

So, you're playing tennis, you're 2 sets down and in the 3rd set your opponent is serving for the match. What do you do?

Well, if you follow tennis in Britain, you'll probably know that Andy Murray went on to WIN the match! Stunning. Un-believable. I was sat in watching the tv last night with a look of utter incredulity on my face. I am still shocked. From being totally out of the game, he went on to win it! Many people (me included) would have been thinking about supper at that point and given up. Mind you, I'm rubbish at tennis, so there would have been NO chance of a comeback for me!

Anyway, it got me thinking...when you are going for your goals and dreams in life, do you keep going til the last point, or do you give up half way? Now I'm not necessarily recommending sheer bloody-mindedness necessarily - it's hard work for a start! But what if you just kept playing for the things you wanted? All too often, people give up when things are just starting to happen! Sometimes you have to change the playing field, I know that, but you don't have to give up on your dreams.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say, you mustn't give up! Because you can do it...with a healthy dollup of self-belief, a bit of luck and tenacity - you will do it. And observers will be standing round opened mouthed, saying 'unbelievable', 'stunning' and 'bloody hell, good for you!'

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - The Strategic Approach

2008-06-30T17:20:00.000+01:00

What is your life strategy? Do you have every last move planned out – including several escape routes and alternatives in case of change? Do you have no strategy whatsoever and just roll with the punches? Are you looking in the opposite direction so you don’t even see the punches coming? I got a questionnaire from http://www.luckspreader.com/ today, and filling it in made me realise something…I do have a life strategy – and most people would not consider it a strategy. Including me…until I thought about it!

When I asked you about your life strategy, what did you think of? Maybe it was a sporting analogy, or some kind of life map. Maybe the very word ‘strategy’ put you to sleep after all the ‘strategic meetings’ you’ve been forced to sit though at work. Maybe there was a big blank space where thoughts should be! Did you think ‘follow my intuition and reach for joy’? If so, e-mail me immediately and let me know because that’s what I do!

That’s my ‘strategy’ for life. And even if I say so myself, it’s a pretty bloody good strategy! With this particular strategy, it is impossible to lose. The very worst thing that can happen is that I enjoy myself (deary-me what a dreadful possibility!). A strategy is defined as a plan, method, or series of maneuvers or stratagems for obtaining a specific goal or result. What is the specific goal or result that you want for your life?

Most people want to have a ‘good life’ – which I define as a joyful life rather than a life full of stuff. I wonder if you have ever taken the time to state specifically what the goal from your life is? Maybe now’s a good time to do so…and to work out your strategy? Say for example your goal from life is to drive yourself into the ground, then your strategy could be to work 15 hours a day. Or your goal from life might be to be miserable, and your strategy is do stuff you hate that makes you unhappy.

I’m not sure entirely why you would want to do that…but so many people do that there must be a really good reason that I am missing altogether! Perhaps it is just that we do not take the time to think what our goal for life is, and what the strategy is to achieve it. Feel free to copy mine – Goal: To have a joyful life. Strategy: Follow my guidance and enjoy life. It’s working well for me and the clients I have shared it with!

Something to play with
If someone else were to look at your life right now, what might they say the strategy and goal are? Would they say it was to complain incessantly and end up bitter and twisted? To be very driven and to be financially successful? To embrace mayhem and have a barmy life? What is your real goal for your life? What do you want your life to be? And what is your strategy to get there?

Was that worth giving up your peace for?

2008-06-27T16:26:00.000+01:00

I was reading a blog entry at http://blog.yourangelsmessage.com/2008/06/26/june-26-2008.aspx today and this question caught my eye “Was that worth giving up your peace for?” What has made you give up your peace today? What has made you angry, irritable, stressed, freaked out? Was it worth giving up your peace?

For me, it was a lorry drifting into my lane on the dual carriageway, prompting a furious beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and a lot of swear words. Was it worth giving up my peace for? No, absolutely not! A little ‘hello I’m here’ cheery beep would have done the trick, and wouldn’t have had the same negative impact on my blood pressure!

So, next time I get in the car, I have to remember that no matter what the other drivers do, I’m not giving up my peace for them!

In peace and love

Donna.x

From the Mouths of Babes

2008-06-26T19:57:00.003+01:00

Today I received this e-mail about what Love means to a 4-8 year old . . .

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails any more.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared
anymore." Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep
at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Tonight, raise your glass in a toast to love...in all its' forms!

Love

Donna.x

The Serenity Reminder

2008-06-25T16:01:00.003+01:00

This is BY FAR the best picture I have EVER taken! Isn't it beautiful? I have this as my screen saver, I've been sharing it with everyone I know, and I am getting notecards and posters made from it! Yes, I love it!

Not just because it's a beautiful image, but because it reminds me of that holiday mellowness that I am bringing back into my "real" life. One look at this picture and I am instantly transported back to a magical moment - relaxed, happy, (well fed, but that is incidental!), tranquil, serene. The sad truth is that most of our lives are not as relaxed, happy, tranquil and serene as we would like, so we need these reminders.

So, what reminders do you have surrounding you? To-do lists, clutter, mayhem? Or beautiful tranquil scenes that remind you of great times?

Maybe it's time to go through your photo album?

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - The Back from Holiday Blues

2008-06-23T17:06:00.000+01:00

Thank you guys, for missing me!! I have had a few e-mails asking where the heck I've been and why have you got nothing to read on a Monday morning - I really appreciate that you noticed and cared that I'd gone. And for those of you who didn't notice or care…I've been on holiday! I've been in Tenerife for a wedding - beautiful day, beautiful bride and I had big hair…what more can one ask for? Well, summer in England for a start. But there are some things you cannot guarantee…summer in England is one of them!

- The Back from Holiday Blues -

Oh, boy, did I NOT want to come back from my holidays! I was enormously sulky about the whole business. Not only did I not want to come back, but the pilot compounded my lack of enthusiasm by announcing over Exeter that Birmingham was "shrouded in cloud, with 25 miles per hour cross winds, raining and 13 degrees". Oh yip, fly faster. I am not a good flyer either so I spent the entire (interminable) landing clutching the arm rests and my rosary beads, wishing they'd let me jump out (much less scary) or land the plane somewhere where there were not 25 mph cross winds!

Now I've had a few days to recover from the ordeal and get used to wearing warm clothes again, I can't really say I'm delighted to be back…but I am letting go of the holiday blues! In days gone by, it would be August before I was back to 'normal' but these days I kind of enjoy a couple of days of misery, then I get on with making things better. The interesting thing is that I love what I do, and still I have the back from holiday blues! Nowadays though, I love it when this type of thing happens because it shows me where things need to change.

What I loved about my holiday (apart from glorious weather, lots of nice food, the sea and watching beautiful sunsets from my balcony) was that I had space. Space to think, space to just wander around for a few hours, space to sit in the sun reading a book for hours, space to go swimming in the Atlantic or the rooftop pool, space to just be. Despite the fact that life is 100 times better than it was 5 years ago, it is still quite packed with things to 'do'. I am one of these people who is never bored - there's always something to read, write, watch, somewhere to go, people to get in touch with.

On holiday all that got left behind…and even though I was out there for a wedding and there were always people around and parties to be attended, there was spare time for purposeless pottering. Oh, I do this at home too, but I get irritated that I have wasted 10 hours puttering about! So over the coming weeks, I am going to be simplifying, decluttering, creating space in many ways and bringing more of that 'holiday' feeling to my life. And (when it's not raining) I shall be finding a place where I can watch the sun set. A key ingredient of a happy life!

So, I guess that you are preparing for holiday season too? At least in this hemisphere. Do you get the holiday blues? Does it take you months to get over them? Do you use the experience to change something about your life to make it better and more 'OnTheBeach'? Or do you use it as a stick with which to beat yourself about how much life sucks? You don't have to sell your house and move to Spain to make changes that will give you that 'holiday' feeling. Small steps, small changes, and the back from holiday blues will help you make your life AMAZING!

- Something To Play With -

You don't need to wait til you come back from a holiday to start making changes - think now about what gives you the post-holiday blues. If there's a list of 200 things, cool - you have lots of ways you could change your life!! Pick one thing, just one, that would be quite easy to change…and bring some of that holiday magic to your normal life! Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

I DID IT!

2008-06-04T19:21:00.002+01:00

Last night at Toastmasters I did my 10th advanced level speech and I got my 'Advanced Communicator - Bronze' Award. Yay me! Woo hoooooo!!

The purpose of this post is threefold:
1 - to big up myself
2 - to encourage you to big up yourself - seriously, it's not arrogant to talk yourself up, it is only right to allow yourself to be proud of you and tell the world. Yay me!!! Ahem.
And 3 - if you would like to gain more confidence and learn to speak confidently in front of a roomful of people - check out toastmasters. Right now. I joined a little over 3 years ago and I have got so much more than I ever expected from my membership.

And just in case you didn't realise, I am SO proud of myself!!

Love

Donna.x

Trust your creativity

2008-06-03T15:58:00.003+01:00

As you may know, I write a weekly newsletter - yesterday's "Bit by bit by bit" I was delighted with when I first finished it. But on the last read through (when I had no time to re-write) I wasn't as happy with it. Trusting my original creativity, I sent it anyway...and I have received more e-mails about this article than any other this year!

This is not a new phenomenon - often when I am unsure of a newsletter, it strikes a chord with certain readers. 3 of them this week said it felt like the universe was asking the very question they asked. So today, if you're asking a question, trust that someone somewhere is working on the answer and be prepared to hear it. And if you're the one sending the message, trust that your timing and subject are exactly right for someone out there.

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach: Bit by Bit by Bit by Bit by Bit

2008-06-02T09:25:00.000+01:00

I had the excellent fortune to get a ticket for the Abraham Hicks workshop in London this week, and a fabulous time was had by all. Esther Hicks is an inspirational speaker who dialogs with a group of spiritual teachers who call themselves Abraham. It might seem a bit 'woo-woo' to some, but it's fascinating stuff - and much of their teachings can be easily translated to the 'real' world. For example, bit by bit by bit by bit.

You see, we all want to go from skint to millionaires in 2 steps, from single to married in a heartbeat, from miserable to joyful in a day and a half (less if we can manage it!). So we go through a circuit of determination, followed by disillusionment when the thing we want doesn't appear instantly, followed by despair, and again and again. Ok, maybe I exaggerate slightly (you'll be astonished to note!).

I have seen it many times - people get really angry with themselves for not being fitter, faster, stronger, better. An entirely self-defeating practice if ever I heard one. While we are on the way to achieving what we want to achieve, we rarely stop to notice that we are getting there, that progress (however miniscule) is being made, that each step we take brings us closer to where we want to be in life.

Take a joyful life for example. I went from being a total misery-guts who contemplated suicide in the 90's (only briefly, and I wasn't very serious about it) to being 'DonnaOnTheBeach' - the woman who, a friend told me yesterday, is 'all about joy'. Did I make this leap from despair to joy in 10 minutes? Did I stop mid-sentence and change my attitude? Did I have a personality transplant? No, to all 3 questions! (although some of my friends find the change incredible!)

So how did I do it? Bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit…you get the message right?! Step by step. And sometimes I felt like nothing was happening at all, like I wasn't moving, like nothing was changing. But it was - bit by bit. They say a watched pot never boils, and it's the same with personal changes! Because you are with you all the time, you can't see the changes that are happening…but they are. Bit by bit.

- Something To Play With -

What would you really like your life to be like? What would you love to have in your life? Stop for a moment and notice how far you have already come. Notice that changes are happening - bit by bit. And that they will continue to happen, bit by bit…just let go of your impatience (a subject for another day!). Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

In Case you need some ideas about being a kid...

2008-05-28T12:23:00.002+01:00

Be A Kid Again
1. Do a cartwheel.
2. Sing into your hairbrush.
3. Walk barefoot in wet grass.
4. Play a song you like really loud, over and over.
5. Dot all your “i”’s with smiley faces.
6. Read the funnies. Throw the rest of the paper away.
7. Dunk your cookies.
8. Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along.
9. Step carefully over sidewalk cracks.
10. Change into some play clothes.
11. Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich.
12. Eat ice cream for breakfast.
13. Kiss a frog, just in case.
14. Blow the wrapper off a straw.
15. Have someone read you a story.
16. Find some pretty stones and save them.
17. Wear your favorite shirt with you favorite trousers even if they don’t match.
18. Take a running jump over a big puddle.
19. Get someone to buy you something you really don’t need.
20. Hide your vegetables under your napkin.
21. Stay up past your bedtime.
22. Eat dessert first.
23. Fuss a little, then take a nap.
24. Wear red gym shoes.
25. Put way too much sugar on your cereal.
26. Make cool screeching noises every time you turn a corner.
27. Giggle a lot for no reason.
28. Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.
29. Have Eggs and Soldiers for breakfast
30. Wave insanely at passing drivers from the car window

Love

Donna.x
PS please tell me if you do some of these things!!!

6 Years Old Again

2008-05-27T17:04:00.000+01:00

- 6 years old again -

So after my speech about letting out the inner child on Tuesday, a couple of people were wondering…well, how? I make it look so easy (but yes, I did feel like an idiot), but when you're used to acting like a grown up, how do you start being a kid again? Some of the boys at Toastmasters had NO trouble at all…but it's easy enough in a safe space when you've been given permission. How do you bring 'childishness' into your real life??

The good news is, you don't have to throw a tantrum, take drugs or make an utter fool of yourself to do it. You don't have to do it in front of anyone (yet) - you can dance around like a loon to your favourite music, jump up and down with excitement about ice cream, play hopscotch, watch a cartoon (Jungle Book is my favourite!), get some colouring pens and a colouring book (or paint by numbers if you want to pretend to be an adult), read a kids book (Mr Men!), clap excitedly when Heroes is on telly, play dress up, climb a tree, make a daisy chain…all without involving anyone else!!!

If you've got kids it's even easier, because you can play with their toys and get involved in their games and everyone just thinks you are a good parent! But if not, don't despair. Childishness is just around the corner… For example, I was in Sainsburys the other day and I happened to notice in the garden section a bubble gun! YES! A toy gun that you attach bubble mixture to and when you pull the trigger, bubbles come out. BRILLIANT!

Except…it doesn't work. Rubbish. So I got to do the sulky child bit too because I couldn't get it to work properly. Now I have to involve someone else if I want to get the stupid thing working. Anyway, my point is that no one in the shop knew I bought it for me…and if I decide the shame is too much to admit I bought it, no one but you ever needs to know (promise you won't tell - cross your heart?!).

I have to say though, I've found that most people are quite open to a bit of silliness and play. Why do you think we like little kids so much? It's not their scintillating conversation, it's the fact that they are open-hearted, curious, they laugh easily, they make us laugh and we get to play…just to play. When was the last time you played, just to play? Not because you had to, or because someone made you?

Seriously, if you want to behave like a child again, find ways to do it that feel comfortable - don't wait til you have the courage or the confidence or you won't feel like an idiot (that will never happen!) or the moon in Sagitarius - just do it when no one is looking. Soon, you will be involving those people in your life who also have an active inner child…and before you know it, you'll be embarrassing everyone else on holiday by running whooping into the sea!!!! And I'll be right there beside you, bucket and spade in hand.

- Something To Play With -

What did you love to do when you were a little kid? What would you love to do now? If no one was watching, would you go on the swings or slide, would you play musical statues or musical bumps, would you spin round until you were dizzy, would you read The Faraway Tree (I read it again last year - it's ACE!), would you get out the lego…Hmm, if you'll excuse me, I'm sure I have got some lego somewhere… Why are you still sat there? Go and play! Want to share how you are going to play??? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

- Reccommended Read -

The Torturer's Bible by Donna M Higton - oh WHAT FUN to have the recommended read be something that I have written! "The Torturer's Bible" will show you the most important lesson for a wonderful life...and it's incredibly easy to learn and start implementing. One reader just read 2 pages and took himself out for a run, planned a night out and went from feeling shattered to energised in about 10 minutes! Here's just a little of the wonderful feedback I've got so far...
"Your book is incredible. I have a ton of books...and I'm just blown away by you!" Nina, USA.
"Great job with the EBook!!! I really enjoyed reading it and you gave a lot of practical and useful examples and suggestions" Kevin, USA.
"Love the Torturers Bible! It really put me in a good mood when I read it." Claire, UK.
"The Torturer's Bible is BRILLIANT!" Jody, USA To get your copy, for exactly nought pence, click here. Make sure you read right to the end, because you will have a chance to win a copy of the audio version when it is complete!

Love

Donna.x

Bring out your inner child

2008-05-23T17:46:00.003+01:00

My speech from Toastmasters - my Advanced Communicator 9

The role of Love

2008-05-22T16:48:00.001+01:00

To clarify, Donna, the primary roles of LOVE are not to heal, fix, or mend. Not to soothe, cure, or ease. Not even to refresh, rejuvenate, or restore. Hardly.

The primary roles of LOVE, Donna, are to "Yahoo!" "Yeehaa!" and "Whoohooo!"

Get your love on,
The Universe

You were born to love, Donna, no matter the cost, no matter what someone else said, and no matter how the past once played out.

From TUT - www.tut.com

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Your True State of Being

2008-05-19T12:17:00.000+01:00

- A note from Donna -

Oh, I was so enjoying that weather, I went out and bought a WICKED sun lounger (white and floral - it's so cheery!) and it's rained ever since. Aaaah, c'est la vie! But you know, whatever the weather is doing - get out and enjoy the outdoors. I was walking the dog today and everything looks so GREEN and gorgeous - because of the rain. Don't let the rain get you down - get your wellies on, jump in some puddles and enjoy the green lusciousness of the country. (if you don't live in England and you have decent weather - just enjoy that!)

- Your True State of Being -

So I was wondering what to write this week, and I was reminded of a message I get a lot (from my intuition, soul self, upstairs, whatever…from somewhere!) - be who you truly are. Do you know who you truly are? Not just your true personality, your true state of being. Most of us touch our true state of being occasionally - big occasions like weddings, births, and incredible experiences bring us close to that purity of feeling.

Sadly, most of the time our true state of being is hidden under a lifetime of worries, irrelevancies and distractions. So what is our true state of being? Love. Peace. Joy. Freedom. Bliss. Notice how you feel when you just say these words. Does one resonate with you more than others? For me, it's joy. The very word tugs at my heart strings, and I KNOW that joy is my birthright.

As is love, peace, freedom and bliss. That is our true nature, our inner being, our soul is pure love, peace, joy, freedom and bliss. Easy to forget when the kids are screaming, the mortgage needs paying and you are stressed to the heavens. But we humans are pure love…just with lots of layers on! Take those layers off often and get in touch with who you truly are - you are an incredible, gifted, wonderful, gorgeous being with an immense capacity for love, joy, freedom, peace and bliss.

- Something To Play With -

I kept the article short this week so you'd have time for this quick meditation - breathe deeply, and as you breathe in imagine you are breathing in love from all around you (from spirit/God if that appeals to you). As you breathe out, imagine you are sending love out to all around you (or Spirit/God). Do this until you feel your heart expand with love…and if you can, keep going for a few more breaths and revel in this love!! Repeat often - you can even do this while staring at your computer screen…and no one will ever know!

OnTheBeach - Savour Your Life

2008-05-13T15:52:00.000+01:00

A note from Donna -

Oh Sunshiiiiiiiiine! In the UK we have such lovely weather at the moment - it is utterly delightful - blue skies, sunshine. Gorgeous. The papers have been full of stories about how much happier we are when the sun is shining. I have been loving it this week - and I have really been taking the time to appreciate it while it's here. It's been an immensely busy couple of weeks - workwise and socially - and it's worth remembering that by being present, you amplify the joy in this moment. So if the sun is still shining, remember to take a moment to enjoy it!!

- Savour Your Life -

Isn't it always the way that you have nothing to do for weeks, then all of a sudden everything comes at once. Like buses. My life has been like that these past 2 weeks - I've had lots of meetings, lots of social engagements, lots of stuff going on. I've barely had time to appreciate one thing before I'm moving on to the next one. Given the choice, I'd rather have a slightly less chaotic life, and more chance to savour each moment, but the beginning of May just hasn't worked out that way!

It did get me thinking though - do you take the time to savour your life? The good stuff I mean, not the stuff that sucks!! When you are enjoying a meal with friends, are you fully there, enjoying said meal? Or are you worrying about the past or future, thinking about how much you have to do when you get home, too caught up in the enormity of life to appreciate the minutae of life?

Joy lives in the small things - in a starry sky at night, in beautiful sunshine, in the first spring flowers, in shared experience of friendship, in music, in dancing, in moments of appreciation for what is around you. And so often we go through life with our eyes half closed, not paying attention to what is there, not being present, not milking every ounce of enjoyment we can out of each precious moment.

This was underlined to me today as my friend followed me 'the scenic route' from where we met for lunch. It is a beautiful route - fields and trees and big skies, but because I drive it quite often, I had grown immune to the beauty! Today I looked at it through new eyes - eyes that have never seen it before…and it is a stunning journey. Not just a way to get from A to B, a journey to be savoured. Much like life. Are you savouring yours?

- Something To Play With -

As you go through life this week, remember to stop and savour the moment. Pause and smell the flowers, actually see the world around you as you drive or walk from place to place, enjoy doing what you are doing in this moment - savour these words! Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

Your 'To-Do' list vs Your Peace of Mind

2008-05-09T17:09:00.003+01:00

So, here I am, it's after 5 on Friday afternoon, and I still have 2 hours minimum of work left on my 'to do' list. Hmmm...I think there is going to be stuff left undone this week! I have a very simple criteria to run by when I get to this point - will the world end if I don't do it? None of the items on my list are world altering at all.

Unless of course, I decide to berate myself for being rubbish, useless, lazy, etc. But why would I? Ok, this is the first time I have got round to writing my blog this week (can you believe a week has gone by ALREADY?!), and there are actions on here that I really could do with taking. But it isn't more important than my peace of mind!

Are you allowing the un-done items on your to-do list be more important than your peace of mind? And if so, WHY?! If the world won't be knocked off its orbit, it is something that can be done tomorrow. Or maybe the next day! In the meantime, have a GREAT weekend! I intend to.

Love

Donna.x

Honouring Your Energy

2008-05-02T15:27:00.003+01:00

I had a very funny conversation with my mom this afternoon - I was saying that I was tired even before the weekend began...and I have a busy weeekend coming up! I expressed a bit of surprise that I was so tired, and she said 'don't forget, Tuesday was a tough day - you need time to recover from that' which of course I haven't had!

You'd think I'd have clocked that, eh? After all, I'm the one always banging on about self-care! I even wrote a book about it! This conversation reminded me to honour my energy. It's not too high right now - I'm ok for sitting here writing this, but no more. So I need a recharge before my weekend starts in earnest with a gig tonight (which I am INCREDIBLY EXCITED about!!!).

Of course, I will be fired up by the gig and by seeing my friend...but that adrenaline surge will leave me crashed tomorrow...and I don't have time to crash - there is burlesque, handcuffs and hens to deal with (I'll tell you about that next time!). So, I'm off for a battery recharge - plug me into the sunshine and I'll be good to go!

Remember, honour your energy in this moment...and honour your energy for the next moment too. If you know you are going to need Energiser Bunny energy all weekend, make sure you take the time to charge yourself up beforehand.

Have a FANTASTIC weekend!

love

Donna.x

Hung Over

2008-04-30T11:00:00.002+01:00

Well, it was the funeral of a family friend yesterday (yes, another funeral - that's 4 in about 10 months! I feel like rent-a-mourner.) And today I am Hung Over. Not in the traditional sense of a beer hangover - I don't drink much and managed to make each half of lager last an hour!) In the sense that it was a day out of normality - a really weird day of seeing people I haven't seen for ages.

And then today I'm back at my desk, trying to concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing! It's amazing how displaced you can get when you are involved in something like that - I feel utterly drained! So, in the spirit of practicing what I preach, I am working but taking it easy today. I hope you are honouring how your body, mind, heart and soul feel today.

Love

Donna.x

Know when to switch off

2008-04-23T20:59:00.002+01:00

A desk piled with paper, a to-do list 12 people couldn't complete in a month, and a racing mind.

Sound familiar?

Do you know when to switch off, or do you stock up on caffeine and adrenaline and keep going late into the evening...day after day after day?

Here's a tip: if you need artificial stimulants to keep you going, you need to stop. Probably about 2 hours ago!

Don't force yourself beyond your endurance. Know when it's time to stop.

Love

Donna.x

A few last minute hiccups

2008-04-22T18:18:00.003+01:00

Well, I was hugely optimistic when I announced to the breathlessly waiting world that my ebook is finished! All I had to do was create the pdf, set up the download pages, and record a couple of little audio files. Easy!

Yesterday I found out that a close family friend had passed away. Expected, but still very upsetting, and nixed yesterday for me - I couldn't concentrate to do any work! Today, I was determined to get on with it and was going great guns, until I ran smack-bang into a wall! The wall being the pdf I'm trying to create - either it doesn't work at all, or none of the links work.

Grrrrrrrrrrr. So please bear with me, it is SO CLOSE!!!

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - When No Action is the Right Action

2008-04-22T18:17:00.000+01:00

A note from Donna -

Well, finally I have completed "The Torturer's Bible" - who knew that 30 pages would take 5 times as many days?! To those lovely people who are at the front of the queue, you will be receiving your link to download the ebook in the next couple of days. The rest of you will just have to wait til next week. If you can't wait, drop me an e-mail with "I can't wait that long, give me the link right now" in the subject.

- When No Action is the Right Action -

When was the last time you said to yourself "I really should have done that by now"? Maybe about your work, your fitness, your clutter clearing, your millionaire status? How often have you berated yourself for a task undone, a plan not put into action, a goal not yet achieved? Berating yourself is usually an attempt to motivate. Sadly, it doesn't work too well. Mostly, it is demotivating and demoralising - you end up feeling like a failure for not having done whatever you thought you should be doing.

What if it was ok that you had taken no action? What if there was a reason for you to be inactive on this for a while? No, not that you are a lazy slob! A good reason. Maybe even one that you don't know yet. Readers who've been with me for a while may remember an article last year about procrastination - in my view there are 2 reasons to procrastinate: not ready or don't want to.

Don't want to is easy, but not ready? How do you spot that one if you think you should be ready?! Let me give you an example. I've been writing an ebook for MONTHS…and I 'should' have finished it long ago! It's the first in a long line of ebooks and audio programs…and this first step has taken (what seems to me to be) forever! But guess what? I wasn't ready. It wasn't ready.

Now I'd have sworn blind that I was ready all along…and I would have been totally wrong. This project is now finished, and I can see clearly that to have rushed it would have been a mistake. I can see now that those periods of seeming inaction were really 'simmer-time' - where the ideas, knowledge and vision were all coming together to make the next steps really obvious.

This happens absurdly often with clients too. They will be berating themselves for not having taken some action, then with hindsight they will realise that the delay factor was a good thing. I believe that we are always doing our best, and I also believe that this is a friendly universe. Put the two together, and maybe inaction is the best action to take?

- Something To Play With -

Think of a project you have been procrastinating on. If this delay was FOR you, and a good thing, why might that be? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

So close, So close, So close...

2008-04-18T18:54:00.003+01:00

Right, this free ebook I've been working on since the beginning of time. It was nearly finished in February!!! I'm STILL working on it! It's only 30 pages. By now it should be War and Peace it's taking so darn long! The trouble is that just when I think I'm done, I get another idea. I got over one obstacle this week - the pictures to go in and for the 'cover'...oh my life I have gone boss-eyed looking at pictures!

And of course, every search I do I get 25475 possibilities to sift through! But I have narrowed it down, and that bit is done - its just the last bit that needs to go in. I was going to be finished by the end of the week...and at 7pm on Friday, I've just thought of another idea!!! But do you know what, this free ebook is MUCH better than it would have been if I'd rushed it and said 'that'll do'.

Next week, it'll be ready. Honest! Remember, if you want a copy before anyone else in the whole wide world, you need to e-mail me with "Have you finished YET? I want to read it!" in the subject line!

The moral of the story? Why beat yourself up over not meeting your expectations when whatever you're doing is the right thing. Always. You are always doing your best. I wasn't ready to finish. But I will be. Soon. And next time I will know that I have a lot more to do that WRITING and I'll be doing it as I go along.

Love

Donna.x

Enjoying the Win

2008-04-17T10:17:00.002+01:00

Last week, I was at a client's offices and in the meeting room they had a picture titled "Face each problem with a will to win" with a picture of athletes in agony (marathon runners by the look of them). I admire the sentiment. Determination, tenacity and will gets you far.

BUT.

It's the agony bit that bothers me! yes, ok, winning is all good...but in business these days it is all too often at the expense of your physical, mental and emotional health...and I can't see that as good no matter which way up I look at it!

How about "Face each problem with a joyful smile and a determination to enjoy finding a solution"? With a picture of smiling, happy people?

Or am I just TOO mad for thinking this???

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Powerless

2008-04-14T19:52:00.000+01:00

- A note from Donna -

Well, the day I'd set aside for putting the finishing touches to the Torturer's Bible and setting up the webpage is a bit of a washout. We had a fuse burnout and the entire fuse box is being replaced as I speak! So, I am without Power. So you have another short wait before you can get your hands on this free ebook! If you are not already in the queue and would like to be among the first in the world to get a copy, e-mail me with "What's that queue for? Must be something good, I'm going to join" in the subject line. Spookily enough, today's subject fits well with this month's recommended read - check it out.

- Powerless -

So I'm writing this article in the old-fashioned way - pen and paper - by daylight as I have no electricity. But for the sound of cars going by, I could be in another century. The house is incredibly still - not just quiet, but still. It's rather nice actually! When I first discovered I would be without power for hours on end, I was lost! No computer, no radio, no light, no tv, no phone. I can't even make the electrician a cuppa or myself a toastie.

So I took the dog for a nice walk. It was lovely - the sun was shining, and because I had no reason to rush back, it was very leisurely. Normally I am walking along thinking of what is going to happen when I return, but today there was going to be nothing happening without Power. I did think of several things I could do with the 'powerless' time, but there's a curious feeling of ease and patience about it. There's no rush to 'do' anything, no sense of time passing. There is just a curious serenity about the day.

In this world in this century, we are constantly being assaulted by technology. There is too much to do and too little time and we have very little 'down-time'. Proper, quality down time, where there is no hurry to get anything done. Even on holiday, if we are so inclined, we can fill up every last moment with things to do. I feel quite sleepy, and yet also feel that I am being energised by this curiously calm space. Although I could break the silence with my MP3 player, I am happy enough to enjoy these hours of peace. After all, they are so rare; I may as well enjoy them!

- Something To Play With -

Notice today how much electricity adds to your busy life. Imagine just switching everything off for an hour or two, and only 'doing' what you feel like (that isn't powered by the electricity board!). If that imagining feels good, switch off your computers, phones, tellies and radios and enjoy being powerless! Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

- Reccommended Read -

In Praise of Slow by Carl Honore Life is such a fast paced ride these days - we have fast food, fast cars, fast internet connection (sometimes!) and there is never enough time to do everything you want to. The hectic pace of life ruins our enjoyment of so many things - food, leisure time, work, love. But does it have to be that way? Carl Honore and I say 'no'. You can slow down your life. It's a choice. You can choose to 'take it easy'. You can choose to put your feet up and just watch the other headless chickens run round. And while you're doing that, read 'In Praise of Slow'!

What did you do Right today?

2008-04-09T13:04:00.002+01:00

If I asked you at the end of the day what you did wrong, or what you 'should' have done that you didn't do, how many answers would you have for me? (just a rough guess, you don't need to count exactly!)

My guess is that you could think of 10-20 things quite easily.

Now, what if I were to ask you what you did RIGHT today? What are you pleased with? What are you proud of? Can you get 10-20 again?

Again, my guess is that you would find this more difficult! Why is it so easy to criticise ourselves but so hard to praise ourselves? Which is more motivating? Constant criticism or constant praise? Which do you do to yourself?

Just for today, notice what you got RIGHT. Then, you could maybe do it again tomorrow...and the next day...and the next day.

I wonder how much happier you'd be if you did this every day?

Love

Donna.x

Learning More From Failure

2008-04-08T18:58:00.001+01:00

Do you learn more from failing than you do from succeeding?

It is accepted wisdom that we learn a lot more from making a mess of things than we do from effortlessly flying through. But why?

Is it because there are more lessons when we fail? Or is it because we don’t examine the cause of our success as much as we analyse the cause of our failure?

I believe it is the latter – there are just as many lessons to learn from happiness, ease, joy and success. But we don’t tend to pay any attention when things are going well. As soon as things go bad, we get out the magnifying glass and take it apart!

What’s going well in your life right now? Why is it going well? What are you doing to contribute to this ‘well’ness? What are the factors that make up a happy, successful life for you? Are you doing them?

Make the decision today to learn just as much from what you are doing right as what you are getting wrong.

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - WAKE UP it's a Beautiful Morning

2008-04-07T17:31:00.001+01:00

- A note from Donna -

Tick, tock, tick, tock. The countdown is on for the launch of my free ebook "The Torturer's Bible" - intrigued?? I am really excited about this project, and that's why it's taking so darn long to finish - I keep adding to it. What was a 15 page mini book is now nearly twice that. I am so lucky to have such wonderful enthusiasm for my work! Just a few more finishing touches, and it WILL be released! And you guys will be the first to know. Want a sneak peek before anyone else gets it? E-mail me with 'I am in the queue with my sleeping bag and flask of hot coffee' in the subject line, and you will be one of the first to get a copy.

- Wake up it's a Beautiful Morning -

What do you wake up to? Do you wake up to the news telling you that it's a depressing day in a depressing world? Do you wake up to some irritating idiot who thinks he's funny? Do you wake up to a jarring beep-beep-beep-beep? Or do you wake up to something that fills you with joy, laughter, happiness, excitement for the day and energy? If you do the latter - congratulations!

What better way to start the day than being woken up by something joyful? Whether it's children, cats, dogs, sunlight, music or the voice of a loved one it's a wonderful thing to start the day feeling good. Now, I say this from the perspective of someone who has NEVER been a morning person! 7am is the middle of the night as far as I am concerned, and I have hated getting up ever since I was in school.

However, in recent years I've got better and better. I'm still a grouch in the morning - just don't speak to me, and I'll be fine - but I've found that much of my hatred of getting up is a matter of attitude…AND what I wake up to. I admit, it does help that I work a lot of the time from home, and I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn, but even then, the insistent, jarring beep-beep-beep-beep would jolt me out of sleep with a racing heart and murder on my mind!

Some time ago I got a CD player alarm clock, so I could wake up to my choice of music every morning…much better! For weeks, I woke up to Antmusic by Adam and the Ants, and just recently I have been waking up to a CD by Abraham Hicks - very inspiring way to start the day! And then yesterday, I had an epiphany - create a CD of morning music. So here's my playlist so far:

Lovely Day by Bill Withers (nice and mellow to begin with)
Feeling Good by Muse (more mellowness)
Beautiful Day by U2 (yep, time to wake up!)
Wake up Boo by the Boo Radleys
Pump It by Black Eyed Peas
What's the story (morning Glory) by Oasis
Any ideas on what to add to this CD? (Just in case I am STILL lying in bed after half an hour of music…which is quite likely!) If you have some ideas, please e-mail me. You know, every morning you wake up alive, full of possibility and promise, IS a beautiful morning.

- Something To Play With -

What do you wake up to? Is it inspiring? Does it fill you with joy? If so, tomorrow morning, revel in that feeling of joy and wonder for 30 seconds before you get up. If not, what can you change today to make tomorrow morning a more beautiful morning? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.

To sign up for Donna's weekly newsletter, go to www.donnaonthebeach.co.uk/newsletters

Before it's too late

2008-04-01T19:43:00.000+01:00

In November, a 39 year old man went to the doctor's with stomach problems.

Last week, that man died.

He just turned 40 in February.

Do you think that you have all the time in the world to do what you want to do with your life?

What if you're wrong?

If you just had a week to live, what would you regret most not having done?

Can you make plans to go and do it, now?

Before it's too late.

By the way my main regret would be not having enjoyed what I was doing at any given time.

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Why Wait to Be Happy?

2008-03-31T13:36:00.000+01:00

- A note from Donna -

I got some bad news this week. A friend of the family died. I seem to have said that an awful lot in the last year. Death and his scythe seem to be very busy round here right now. This man turned 40 just a few short weeks ago and leaves 2 small children and his wife. Ugh. How many reminders can we take that life is short?? As you can imagine it's left me feeling a bit flat this week, but when we went to see his wife and kids, me and the kids ended up outside on the trampoline at 9 at night - even at sad times, there's fun to be had.

Lastly there will be a new recommended read next week, so if you're interested in being a journalutionary, now's the time!

- Why Wait to be Happy? -

What is in the way of you being happy right now? What are you waiting for? The right partner? The right house? Maybe the moon in Pisces? Everyone else to do what you think they should do? Is it the case that you can only be happy if everything is in alignment? Can you only enjoy life if all your ducks are in a row? Have you imposed conditions on your ability to have a great life?

If you are waiting for some conditions to be met before you can enjoy life, you are wasting perfectly good happy time. I'm going to keep this short this week because the dog is standing by me wagging her tail - we're going to go jump in some puddles. My message is simple: Don't wait to start enjoying your life. Don't wait for the job or the bloke or the house or the bank account of your dreams. Start now. Right now. Enjoy it before it's too damn late.

"Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves." Helen Keller

- Something To Play With -

Complete the following sentence "I will be happy when…" as many times as you can. Now throw that piece of paper away, get a new piece of paper and write in big red letters "I can and will be happy RIGHT NOW!" Then go do something that makes you happy. If you develop the ability to be happy even when life isn't perfect, you will have a great life! Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?

- Reccommended Read -

Journalution by Sandy Grason Have you ever kept a diary? Have you ever kept (or wanted to keep) a diary not just of your day to day life, but to connect with your inner wisdom? If not, and you are interested in accessing your inner wisdom (if you're not, why not?!) by keeping a diary, check out Journalution by Sandy Grason. It's a book about keeping a diary, or journalling - not only ideas on how and when (whatever works for you), also journalling prompts to get you moving. It's a lovely book - Sandy's style is friendly, warm and realistic - she knows life's going to get in the way! I've been working with the journalling prompts for a couple of months, and I am loving the results already - my diary isn't a moan about life anymore, it's a place to dream, to find answers, and to have fun!

Journalution by Sandy Grason

Passing on your Life's Wisdom

2008-03-27T11:43:00.003Z

What is the most important thing you have learnt about life so far?

If you could teach a child just one lesson you wish you had learnt earlier, what would you teach?

Mine would be "it's ok to be who you really are. It is safe to be yourself."

Whatever the lesson is that you would teach, have you learnt it? Really learnt it, internalised it and live that truth? I noticed the other day that once again I was trying to be something other than myself...and it hurt! It is said that you teach what you most need to learn, so take this lesson that you would teach and do whatever you need to do to truly live this - the best way to teach is by example!

Love

Donna.x
PS no negative lessons please - no 'life's a bitch' lessons! You can do better than that!

Follow Your Heart

2008-03-26T18:17:00.003Z

If you could be doing anything in the world right now, what would you love to do?

What makes your heart sing?

What do the stirrings of your heart whisper for you to do with your life?

Could you start to follow your heart right now?

You don't have to do something huge and scary to follow your heart, you can just do something small, every day that follows the stirrings of your heart.

Before you know it, you have a happy life, a joyful life, the life your heart desired.

Start today.

Right now.

Love

Donna.x

Strong Misery Muscles

2008-03-25T18:41:00.000Z

How much time do you spend making life better? How much time do you spend appreciating how good you have it? How much time do you spend laughing, getting excited, being happy? Is it enough? Conversely, how much time do you spend making life worse? How much time do you spend bemoaning how bad you have it? How much time do you spend crying, getting stressed, being miserable? Is that enough?

Have you had enough of being dissatisfied with your lot? Do you want to see your life get better? Would you believe it's your choice? Will I ever stop asking questions? Yes? I'm guessing that if you spend a lot of time on how terrible life is, you won't have much time left for laughter, play, fun, joy, love, freedom, excitement, appreciation, gratitude, and wonder.

And that is your choice. I was chatting to a friend yesterday, and saying that I have stopped (largely) getting stressed out about money and such. How? By withdrawing my attention from worrying and stressing. It's a choice. I made this choice because over the last 35 years, worrying has NEVER helped me to get more money or deal with a situation. Complaining has NEVER made a situation better. Fear NEVER helps me to find a creative solution.

I haven't yet had to live on the street, so I'm doing ok! It's all good. So, I'm putting my time and effort into being grateful, having fun, enjoying life. As is so often the case, this is a simple concept that isn't always easy to put into practice. So to start with, it's enough just to notice that you are choosing to spend more time in worry than in laughter (by the way, laughter costs nothing, whereas worry costs your health).

Pretty soon, you will make a new choice. And this gets easier and easier with practice. Our worry, stress, misery muscles are well developed and fed with the steroid of misery news, so it's really easy to use them. But maybe your laughter, joy and fun muscles are flabby from lack of use?! The answer is simple: choose to tone them up. Make the effort to have some fun this week - trust me, life looks a lot better when you're bouncing on a trampoline or standing on your hands. :p

- Something To Play With -

What ratio of time do you spend on misery:joy? Eg 90% misery, 10% joy. Are you ok with that ratio? Notice this week how many times you choose the dark side over the light. Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?

- The Personal Bit -

When you read this, I will be covered from head to foot in chocolate and probably feeling very sick! I foolishly gave up chocolate for Lent - I was going to give up coffee, but as I don't drink it, decided that was cheating! It hasn't bothered me up until the last two weeks, and I am now drooling like Homer Simpson at the very thought. But Easter Sunday cometh…Hoorah! I have my Easter Eggs at the ready, steady…CHOCOLATE! Happy Easter!

When Life Seems Jolly Rotten...

2008-03-19T10:53:00.003Z

...there's something you've forgotten. And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. (good old Monty Python)

When any situation in your life seems 'bad', what are you looking at? The cost, in time, money, energy? All the reasons that this is 'bad'? What if you were to actively seek the blessings in any situation? Think of a situation you are seeing as 'bad'. Now think of 10 blessings in this situation.

One of the most inspiring stories I ever heard was of a woman who lost her job, her husband, and discovered she had cancer, all in the space of a week! Her reaction? "I will have plenty of time to focus on getting well, and there will be no dirty socks to pick up!"

There is a bright side if you will only look for it.

Love

Donna.x

The Power of Write

2008-03-18T17:49:00.002Z

Have you recently utilised the therapeutic power of writing? Have you connected with your inner guidance by recording your thoughts? Have you given your creative self free rein by writing your ideas and passions?

If not, and you like to write, you may be denying yourself a wonderful pleasure! (If you hate writing, please ignore this blog post - I don't want you to do something you don't like to do!) I love to write - I write blogs, books, newsletters, courses, diaries, gratitude journals, letters...and the more I write, the more I realise that writing has a power.

The written word has the power to change your world, to transport you to a new world, and even to change the world of the reader. Wow.

So are you using the power of write?

Love

Donna.x

Everyone Is

2008-03-18T17:48:00.000Z

- Everyone Is -

Do you ever feel slightly isolated, a bit weird, like you are the only person in the world who thinks the way you do? Me too! Do you ever feel like you are the only person in the world who struggles, has doubts, wonders if they are ‘getting it right’? Me too! Do you ever think that you are the only one who has a little self-doubting voice in your head? Wow, me too! In fact, I’d be willing to bet that the majority of people reading this have felt that way at one time or another. Everyone has doubts. Everyone has moments where they think they are the only people in the world who think or feel the way they do. And the great tragedy is that they are rarely right!

There is someone else out there who has felt, or thought exactly the same doubting, uncertainty, weirdness! A few years ago I was convinced that I was weird – and I didn’t consider it a good thing. This caused me many a moment of navel-gazing, upset and even depression. And then I met some people who were brave enough to say ‘hey! Me too!’. What an ‘aha’ moment for me - I realised that even the most confident people feel uncertain at times, even the most driven of people have moments of doubt, and even the most successful people feel like a failure. They just hid it well. For years, I genuinely could not accept myself because I thought I was mad – that no one else had the thoughts I had.

Realising that I was not alone was a turning point for me. If the people I respected and aspired to emulate had ‘weird’ thoughts, then so could I. If people I considered successful had moments of doubt, then so could I. And what’s more, if these people thought and felt this way and were still happy and successful, so could I be. Not only do we as a society hold up stick people as beautiful, we also hold up automatons as ‘normal’, and then we individually wonder why we have such ‘odd’ feelings and thoughts. It makes me want to scream. Here’s the thing – if you sometimes feel you’re a bit unusual, that’s normal! Normality is feeling and thinking and sometimes doubting.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am slightly odd, and I now consider it a very good thing that I think and feel the way I do – because that is just perfect for me. Who the hell wants to be an automaton?!

- Something To Play With -

If you knew that you are not a total oddball, that you are not "wierd", that you are not alone in having the thoughts and feelings that you have, what would change for you? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?

- The Personal Bit -

This week I am repeating an article from way back in 2005; I hope you enjoy it. The reason I have been so lax and not created something new? Because this week ran away from me! Ever had that? When you think you have plenty of time to do everything, then before you know it its quarter to ten on Saturday night and you're wondering what happened to the week? Other than the fact that I seem to have lost a couple of days somewhere, it's been a good week. I learned how to play a nintendo wii, realised how rusty my pool skills are, and had an angel reading! Happy St Patrick's Day to one and all. xx

Growing up vs Growing Old

2008-03-14T10:36:00.001Z

What does life want from me?

2008-03-12T16:38:00.002Z

Most of us ask what we want from life...with varying success! Sometimes this perspective brings great joy, and sometimes it brings great disatisfaction. What if 'what do I want from life' was the wrong question?

What if the question was 'what does life want from me'?

What might change?

I was pondering this, and I realised that life wants me to live joyfully, not sit at my desk 'forcing myself' to work. Just realising this freed me up to enjoy my procrastination!

Love

Donna.x
PS This question came from Eckhart Tolle

A Toxic Life?

2008-03-11T10:32:00.003Z

What toxicity surrounds your life? What in your life makes you feel bad? What toxic foods are you eating? Toxic drinks? What toxic environments are you in? Believe it or not, this steady diet of toxicity drains your energy and makes you feel ill. Now you don't have to go and live on top of a tibetan moutain to get away from the toxicity, but you do need to make sure that you are clearing your environment and body as much as you can.

Let go of those things that are toxic to you - they could include sweets (you have no idea how much it hurts me to say that!), alcohol, a negative work environment, newspapers, clutter, even some family and friends can be toxic! You may not be able to get rid of them altogether (particularly family!) but you can protect yourself and keep as clear as you can.

So, what are you going to dump in the toxic waste today?

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - The Dutiful One

2008-03-10T15:18:00.000Z

I was talking to a friend last week about going to the inquest into my uncle's death - which I don't want to do. So why are you going then, she asked? Excellent question…and the answer is that I don't know. Actually, I am now not going to go, because as Claire most excellently reminded me, I don't want to! Why was I going to go? Simply put: Duty. I felt it was my duty to my family to go.

It was quite amusing to me to realise what I was doing, because I will rarely do anything I don't want to do…unless I feel it is my duty to do so! I am obviously a very well brought up girl. What are you doing that you don't want to do out of duty? Attending the Christmas work party every year even though you never want to go and have better things to do? Going to the 80th birthday party of Great Aunt Maude, who you haven't seen since you were 5? Doing the usual 'Friday nighter' even though you are shattered and skint?

What about your duty to yourself? To your health and happiness? Robert Louis Stevenson said "There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world." To do the particular duty of going to this inquest, I would be actively making myself unhappy. In order to 'do right' by my family! It's insane, and incidentally, they are not bothered that I don't want to go. Maybe your duties aren't quite so horrible, but check with yourself why you are doing them.

Is it because you feel you must or you will be rejected in some way? Or is it because you genuinely want to do it? If you're anything like me, part of the reason you don't want to do it is because you feel you have to! Pure contrariness. Or we make up that 'so and so would be unhappy' if we didn't do something. For my part, I would rather my friends and family said no to me, rather than do something for me just because they think they have to!

I'm a big girl, I can take a 'no' - after all, I say it often enough. It may be too much to simply say 'no' to a duty you've already agreed to, but once you realise that you do not want to do something, you can change things around so that you can also do your duty to yourself. I'm still traveling to London with my Mom for the inquest, but while they are at the hearing, I will be either spending time with my cousin, or being a tourist in London. I'm sure my uncle won't mind I'm not making a misery of myself on his account.

- Something To Play With -

What duties do you have to your work, your family, your friends? What do you do 'out of duty' (maybe even automatically)? Do you really want to do this? If your only duty was to your own health and happiness, what would change for you? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?

- The Personal Bit -

I've had a very productive week this week - for the last year I've been playing with ideas of books and courses I could create to help those who do not want one to one coaching. And I am finally making some progress! It's amazing how much you can get done when you set a timer and leave your e-mail/internet alone for a few hours. My free ebook will be finished by the end of this month…and you guys will be the first to get a copy - it's the biggest secret in happiness…and after that teaser, you will just have to wait…

Change Thyself

2008-03-05T16:29:00.002Z

When you are desperate for someone else to change, and they won't (the selfish buggers!), try changing yourself instead. If you think it's so easy to make that change, you do it - lead by example instead of 'telling'.

Ultimately, it's the only thing you can do, and it's a lot more successful at changing the behaviour of others than moaning!

Love

Donna.x

Enough about me, what did you think of me?

2008-03-04T17:08:00.003Z

I had a beautiful message yesterday, from someone I sent my (soon to be ready for public consumption!) free ebook to. She basically said she thought I was amazing, filled me with confidence and joy that something I wrote had such an impact. And her encouragement had a wonderful impact on me. I am keeping that message, and I am going to watch it often.

Putting myself down and telling myself I am rubbish comes easily, but building myself up in the way this message did is a little harder - especially if I'm having a bad day! I wonder if you realise the impact of a compliment on someone else? Here, let's try this one - I can see that you are an intelligent person with impeccable taste, because you are reading my blog!

Feel good? Seriously, compliments can change the course of a person's life. Next time you feel that someone is wonderful, say it. I promise that the good stuff will come back to you tenfold!

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach: Hell is Other People

2008-03-03T20:40:00.001Z

An online community I am part of had a discussion subject this week about negative people – here’s my reply…

This subject made me smile - I used to avoid negative people because they brought me down. Now, I welcome them...because their negativity doesn't mean anything to me. If someone is standing next to you wearing green, do you have to wear green? No! I know that is so easy to say once you've learnt to deal with them...and yes, sometimes a negative person will press on a bruise and 'get me'...but that's great too because they show me where I am not living in positivity!

Here's how I've 'dealt with' them:
1. Avoid them (out of sight, out of mind!!! It's a plaster rather than a fix)
2. Notice how they affect you and work out why - where do they show you where you are being negative? (The Work by Byron Katie is brilliant with this)
3. Remember that the world is a mirror FOR you - what are they bringing you that's positive? Eg a chance to reinforce your positivity, a lesson on how not to do it, a reminder to protect yourself from negative energy
4. Remember the law of attraction - are you focusing on their negative aspects? Focus on the kind of person you want in your life, focus on the positive things about the 'negative' people in your life.
5. Learn to love, not fear a negative person. if it's true that fear creates negativity, they're just scared. Awwwww. Bless them. And yourself when you are scared and negative.
6. Enjoy watching them, because they show you how far you've come!!!
7. Never, ever try to convince them that positivity is good by words, do it by living that way. When I was negative and cynical, it drove me mad that people told me to be positive! But people who just did it, and didn't join my pity party...wow, I still thank them for showing me the way!
8. Be compassionate with them and yourself. The more you learn, the less these people show up. Honest!

It’s interesting, when we start to be more positive ourselves, other people become less negative around us – once we get past the idea that the whole world has to be positive with us! Sometimes I still believe the Jean-Paul Sartre quote that ‘hell is other people’ , but most of the time I know that when other people are winding me up, it’s all about me, not them.

Something to play with
When negative people get you down this week, try some of the ideas above. Experiment and have fun with the idea that you can be surrounded by negative people, and still be a shiny, positive light! (If nothing else, it will irritate them immensely!) Want to share what’s going on for you? E-mail me.

The Personal Bit
Wow! What a week. I have been right at the very edge of my learning curve this week. It’s been months since I last felt this saturated with information. It’s all good stuff, but I really feel in need of a rest! Feels like that earthquake here in the UK did more than just wake me up petrified in the middle of the night. It’s shaken all sorts of things loose.

The Voice of Love

2008-02-28T20:31:00.001Z

Whose voice do you listen to? The voice that constantly tells you that you suck, or the voice that tells you that you are an amazing human being with incredible gifts and talents? The voice that demeans you and puts you down, or the voice that encourages you and builds you up?

Are you consciously choosing which voice to listen to, or are you just listening to the one that shouts the loudest?

Listen only to the voice of love. All other voices are talking shite!

Love

Donna.x

Did the Earth Move for You?

2008-02-27T17:06:00.002Z

Ooh, the big news! We had an earthquake here last night. 5.2 on the Richter Scale. Now, to those of you away from the UK, this might not sound like big news - but we haven't had an earthquake that strong in 20 years! And it's not exactly a common occurence here either - the last one was about 3 years ago.

I freely admit that I am a girly poof - the last earthquake terrified me, and this one scared me too. It only scared me this time because I woke up after the ground had stopped shaking, I thought I'd had a bad dream when I found myself sat up in bed with my heart pounding.

Anwyay, it got me thinking about foundations. Are your foundations strong enough to withstand an earthquake? I'm not talking about your house here. I am off in the world of metaphor - your personal foundations - confidence, money, self love and acceptance, and so on. You'll know if your foundations are rocky if you are easily knocked off track by small things.

Strong foundations mean you can withstand minor earthquakes, that might freak you out, but don't really harm you!

Love

Donna.x

A One Shot Deal

2008-02-26T18:10:00.001Z

There is only one of you in all of time. Be the person you came here to be.

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Your Full Potential

2008-02-25T16:38:00.002Z

- Group Coaching -

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! I have now launched a twice monthly group coaching call - so if you've been thinking about having coaching and would like to know more about this concept, click here.

- Your Full Potential -

Living to your full potential. What does this phrase mean to you? Are you living to your full potential? Does trying to live to your full potential mean working harder, trying harder, getting more money, stuff, qualifications, kudos? Does it make you tired just thinking about it? Does it stress you out? Do you know what image springs to mind when I think about living to my full potential? Something similar to the image on the right here ->

Someone who is jumping for joy, enjoying their life, and LIVING to their full potential. Whenever people talk about living to their full potential, they are most often talking about DOING to their full potential. All well and good, but your ability to 'do' is restricted by the time, energy and drive you have…and all too often we exhaust ourselves trying to 'do' too much. What if living to your full potential meant BEING. Fully being.

Being what? Being happy, loving, joyful, fun, Being You. See, no one else can be you in the same way that you can. No one else can be you to your full potential. Your full potential of enjoyment, joy, love is HUGE. And moving towards the full achievement of your potential to be is WONDERFUL. Deconstruct that word - wonder full. It's not hard to 'be', it's not stressful (unless you wish to be stressed!), it's not tiring.

If you were to rate your level of enjoyment of your life right now, what would it be on a scale of 1-10 (1 is life sucks, and 10 is I LOVE MY LIFE!). If it's not 10 or getting there, where are you making 'doing stuff to make me happy' more important than 'being happy'? See, most of us have it backwards - we 'do' stuff to make us 'be' happy. Only half the time the 'doing' just leads to more 'doing'. An example: I'm going to work really hard to get the money to get some stuff and then I'll be happy. How many years have you been following this insane thought? Is it working for you?

I'm heavily simplifying here, but trust me, scratch the surface of most desires to 'do' and 'be happy' is the underlying idea. Why not be happy first? Or even while you're busy doing. It is absolutely possible to be happy when your life is not perfect…and if it's perfection you're waiting for, you'd better start enjoying your misery! Living to your full potential means just that - LIVING to your full potential. By all means, work toward your goals, but make sure that you are enjoying yourself on the way - otherwise you will miss your potential for joy in the here and now.

- Something To Play With -

Where are you on that scale of enjoyment? If your happiness was your only concern this week, what could you do to bump your score up one point? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?

What would You Do?

2008-02-20T16:12:00.001Z

If feeling good is the only mark of life, what would you do now?

Love

Donna.x
With many thanks to Dr Alexandra Gayek of Science of Being Well for this GREAT question

It doesn't matter

2008-02-19T17:25:00.002Z

OH MY GOD! I'm still not feeling 100%...it doesn't matter.
I didn't do all the housework today...it doesn't matter.
I didn't do everything I wanted to do workwise today...it doesn't matter.
I didn't go to the gym today...it doesn't matter.
I haven't taken over the world today...it doesn't matter.

Why doesn't it matter? Because none of this is life shattering! It is only my expectations that I 'should' have perfect health all the time (insane!), have a sparkling house (never gonna happen!), finish every work 'thing' I ever thought of (yeah, right!), go to the gym every day (unrealistic...and unwanted!), take over the world (like I'd want that responsibility?!). So what does matter?

Only that you feel good. Life is here to enjoy - most of the stuff we get stressed about DOESN'T MATTER! Feeling good, now that's important!

Love

Donna.x

PS I Love You

2008-02-18T16:26:00.000Z

I'm sure that if you celebrate Valentine's Day, you will have done the roses, chocolates, gifts, love bit last week, but do you only do that on Valentine's Day? And for those of you who think Valentine's Day is a terrible waste of time, money, effort, and a commercialised meaningless date, when do you tell people you love them? And for those of you who are single, and forget about valentine's day (like me, who wondered why everything in the world had gone red last Thursday), when do you tell people you love them?

And this isn't just about telling your significant other that they are loved. What about the rest of the people in your life? Do they know that you love them? Roses, chocolates and gifts are all very nice (and if anyone wishes to send them to me, they will of course be welcome!) but love isn't always about the grand gesture, the big idea, the one day, the one person. Love is also about small things, every day, and everyone.

This week do something to let the people you care about know that you care about them. Let them know how important they are to you. Look in the mirror and tell that person you love them. It's a beautiful thing to share love.

Love

Donna.x

PS I Love You!

The Greatest Romance

2008-02-14T12:18:00.002Z

Aaah, l'amour! If you are in love today, I hope that you are enjoying it!

And if you're not, this tip is especially for you. Some of us save falling in love for that special person, and in doing so we miss out! You can fall in love right now - whether there is a special someone in the wings or not. How? By falling in love with the very special someone you see in the mirror. By falling in love with yourself and your life.

Imagine it, every morning, waking up and laughing out loud because you are with you, and you have this incredible life! Don't wait until life is perfect, or you are perfect, because you'll miss the long years of wonderful imperfection. Let's face it, when we fall in love with someone else, we don't fall in love with perfection...so why demand that from yourself before you can fall in love with you?

Trust me, you are special, amazing, wonderful, beautiful, stunningly gorgeous and the most incredible person on the planet. It's time you saw that for yourself.

Love you

Donna.x

Especially Car Insurance

2008-02-13T16:59:00.001Z

yesterday I asked you to question everything. This week I questioned my car insurance. It's due soon, and as I usually do, I double checked on t'internet to make sure I couldn't get it cheaper elsewhere...and found that my own insurer gave me a quote £80 less than my renewal premium.

Like I said, question everything!

Love

Donna.x

Question Everything

2008-02-12T18:46:00.000Z

Once you've decided that something is absolutely true (or untrue!), you've closed your mind on it. A closed mind has nowhere to go. Question Everything.

Is it really true that life sucks?

Is it really true that you can't change anything?

Is it really true that you can't have the life you want?

Is it really true that 'it has to be this way'?

What if it wasn't? What if not accepting that 'truth' led you to a wonderful life? A wonderful job? A wonderful partner?

7 years ago, I kept coming back to one thought 'there must be more to life than this!' And I was right - I kept questioning that things had to be as they were, that I couldn't change anything...and along the way, I found coaches and friends who constantly challenged me to question my most deeply held beliefs. Here's what I found: there are no absolutes. And many of my beliefs (particularly the ones that limited me and kept me small!) were wrong.

Question Everything. Your questions may just lead to answers you never dreamed of.

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Cut the Puppet Strings

2008-02-11T15:19:00.000Z

Life is too short to waste chasing someone else’s dreams. But so many of us do just that. We live the life that someone else set out for us – our parents, our peers, our significant others. We do what is ‘safe’, what is ‘acceptable’, what is ‘normal’. The authentic desires that hide in your heart never disappear, they just wilt under the pressure of having to be just like everyone else.

Now, of course, I’m not talking about anything illegal, immoral or insane here. Just the normal desires in every heart to be unique, to be authentic, to be happy. And here’s the problem (or the solution!) – everyone is different. No one has exactly the same tastes and ideas. Some people like Muse, and some like Celine Dion. There is no right or wrong – just what makes you happy. For me, Muse = happy, Celine = torture.

I use the example of music because it’s an easy one to grasp – everyone knows that musical tastes vary and that’s ok (at least I hope you know that!). But when we get a little further afield than music, something happens. Suddenly your hopes and dreams aren’t ok. Suddenly your desires are ‘weird’ rather than unique. Authenticity is a bad thing because it makes you ‘different’.

Well, if you want to have a happy, joyful life, get really comfortable with being weird and different! Because we all are. Every last one of us is weird and wonderful, different and beautifully unique. The marvellous thing about the authentic desires in your heart is that they never disappear, and they are easy to revive! Just start to follow some of that heartfelt guidance. Even when someone else has a different opinion on what you should be doing with your life.

Notice the key words there? Your life. Can you feel someone else pulling the puppet strings in your life? Sometimes it is very subtle, sometimes it’s like a sledgehammer, but always it feels like you are not in control. When the puppet strings get cut, you get to live the life you want to live, not the life that someone else laid out for you. So who’s pulling your puppet strings, and do they really know better than you do what’s best for you?

Something to play with
Just notice who’s playing with your puppet strings. Notice where you are giving away your power to someone else. Notice what the stirrings of your heart are telling you to do, and just take one small step in the direction of your dreams. Get in touch if you'd like to share your puppet string stories - I love to hear from you, and reply to all comments and e-mails.

Love

Donna.x

Rocks and Sucks

2008-02-08T12:57:00.000Z

On Radio 1 on a Friday, Jo Whiley does a 'rocks and sucks' section. Here's my entry for today:

What rocks: the Hours and The Twang at warwick uni last night (the hours were BRILLIANT)
What sucks: some idiot threw beer all over me, and when I took off my glasses to clean beer off, the lens fell out! (and vanished into thin air – I couldn’t even find the broken glass after the gig) So now I have to buy new glasses. Rubbish.

Now, I'm a big fan of looking on the bright side, and looking more into what is working rather than what is not working at all. But I don't believe in ignoring what is rubbish. That's denial, and not generally useful. The key is to notice what sucks, and either fix it or notice that it's not that bad. In the grand scheme of things, a lens falling out of my specs is not the worst thing that could happen (although I am hugely curious to know where the chuff the thing went!!!).

So, what rocks and sucks in your life this week?

Love

Donna.x

Cool People Care

2008-02-08T12:54:00.000Z

I get a daily e-mail from Sam Davidson at Cool People Care about a way to save the world in 5 minutes. Today's was such an obvious, yet probably underused tip that I wanted to share it with you:

"It's very tempting and quite habitual for us to start our cars right when we hop in. Then, we put on the seatbelt, fiddle with the mirrors, find a radio station, take a swig of coffee, and then head out. And even though it doesn't seem like a long time, any extra seconds spent idling are seconds we're wasting gas, burning money, and harming the environment. The next time you get ready to get going, start the car last. By applying a proper order to your pre-drive routine, you'll be doing the environment and your wallet a great service. "

Love

Donna.x

Dragging your Heels

2008-02-06T17:17:00.000Z

Does anyone have any idea when the UK shooting season finishes? It's ruining my walks with the dog. We are now down to 2 (out of about 12) walks that she will actually do, and even then, she drags her heels. I've been trying to convince her that they are not shooting at her, but she's having none of it!

Anyway, it reminded me of what we're like when we are being pulled towards something that we know will be great (like a field full of rabbits to chase)...and we drag our heels. For example, following the guidance of our body that says 'get exercise and stop eating chips' or the guidance of our heart that says 'this situation needs to change'.

Our dog is very lucky, she has me coaxing, encouraging (and occasionally badgering and dragging!!) her along cos I know she'll love the walk once she's chasing rabbits (or birds, or invisible things!). Are you so lucky? Do you have the support you need to keep going, even when you're scared and you think they're shooting at you (they're not)? The life you want is just waiting for you to stop dragging your heels.

Love

Donna.x

Move your Pooh Stick

2008-02-04T13:52:00.001Z

Remember Pooh-sticks? The game Winnie the Pooh and friends played where they drop a stick into the water on one side of the bridge, and the first stick to reach the other side wins. Now, imagine that life is like a game of Pooh sticks…and you are the stick. The stick is happily floating downstream in the river of life…until it gets stuck. Maybe it’s wedged in with a bunch of other sticks, maybe it’s caught in a little eddy, going round and round and round.

Does this sound like your life? Is your stick stuck? Does it help your stick to complain about being stuck to all the other sticks? Does it help to moan that your stick is too fat, too stupid, too stuck? No. Your stick is still stuck. The stick isn’t a bad stick for getting stuck – it just got stuck. It happens in the river of life. Some sticks float down the river without ever getting stuck (although I’ve not once met one!), but most get stuck sometimes.

Now imagine that all you have to do is get your stick unstuck…that’s your only task. See the thing about getting stuck is that you don’t have to stay stuck. Sometimes you will need to move a load of other sticks around you to be able to move, sometimes it’s just a matter of pointing the stick back downstream, and sometimes you have to throw a rock at the stick to get it moving.

Again, the stick isn’t bad…no matter what it takes to get it moving again, the stick is just stuck. No more, no less. Are you getting the relevance of this metaphor to your life? Maybe you are not stuck right now…if not, great! Remember to enjoy the flow of life, and notice what is going on around you. Maybe you can avoid getting stuck for a while. When (if) you do get stuck, and if you are stuck now, your only task is to get unstuck.

My stick gets stuck on a regular basis – it might be a business challenge, or relationships, or outside influences, or health trouble, or writing, or any other ‘obstacle’ in life. I don’t mind getting stuck anymore, because I know lots of tools that will help me move my stick – coaching, journalling, gratitude, vision, friends, colleagues, clients, the list is endless. A few years ago the only way I knew was to throw a rock at the stick!

I want you to know that you don’t have to throw a rock at the stick – life change doesn’t have to be shocking and hard, and totally disorientating. You can let it be easy. As long as you are working on getting your stick back into the flow of life, it’s all good. And where is the flow going? Well, Nirvana of course. The joyful life. It’s not that far away…you just might get stuck a time or two. But your only job is to keep your stick unstuck and flowing.

Something to play with
Where are you stuck in your life? How could you unstuck your stick? Who can support you to do this? Want to share what’s going on for you? E-mail me.

Fit as a Butcher's Dog

2008-02-02T16:47:00.000Z

This week I have been really getting the most from my gym membership, and energy for fitness. In the last 6 days, I have walked the dog 5 times, been to the gym twice, been swimming once, been to aquafit, pilates and belly dancing. And do you know what, I am knackered! But a nice knackered, rather than unhealthily knackered.

This is a really obvious thing to say, but life really does feel better when you are fitter! (not that I am actually that fit, but fitter than I was!) More oxygen gets to your brain, heart, muscles, you sleep better, and I haven't had one guilty twinge about the orange kitkat I am munching my way through.

If you're in the middle of winter like me, you might not want to get outside - it's cold and wet and hailing and windy and miserable. But trust me, if you do something active, you'll feel better. And despite January being the wettest for years here (apparently!), we have had some beautiful days - blue skies, sunshine.

So get out and about wherever you are.

Love

Donna.x

Two Heads are Better than One

2008-01-31T19:07:00.000Z

From the book of doing things the hard way:
Rule number 3: Do everything alone. Get no support. Get no help. Carry the entire project on your shoulders.

BUT if you wanted to make life easier, why not enlist friends? Colleagues? Peers? I have been really lucky this week that the people I have spoken to have supported me unasked, have challenged me unasked, and have inspired me unasked. We just got together for a chat, and I got more out of those chats than I can possibly ever artiulate. It reminded me that 2 heads are better than 1, 5 heads are better than 2...

Whatever you are working on right now, in your private or business life, get support, get a community, get other people to help you. And you never know, there might be someone out there right now who needs your support. Win/win.

Love

Donna.x
PS the first person to e-mail me the name of the film I got the 5 heads bit from wins a free 30 minute coaching session - might be just the support you need!

This is the Truth

2008-01-28T11:24:00.000Z

This morning, I received a short film that really, says it all.

Even in the most dreadful circumstances, there is beauty to be found in the world.

If this guy could do it in the concentration camps, you can do it in the office!

Light in The Darkness

Love

Donna.x

Push You, Pull Me

2008-01-23T18:24:00.000Z

Are your relationships balanced? Do your friends and family support you as you support them? I know that sometimes we need more support than we can give and sometimes our friends and family need us more than we need them.

But taking the long view, looking at the relationship overall, are you giving more than you receive? Consistently? Are you asking for the support you need? Or are you trying to be superwoman/man?

Relationships, friendships are all about mutual support, love, encouragement. If you're not getting that, maybe it's time to change things? (by the way this doesn't have to mean you sack all your friends...it might just mean you need to ask for their support!)

You deserve this support.

Love

Donna.x

The Longing behind the Should

2008-01-22T13:58:00.000Z

This week I wrote a newsletter about the demon 'shoulds' - those things that we 'should' do and feel terrible about because we don't do. I asked readers to take a look at what was behind the should - for example, behind 'I should diet' is 'I want to feel good about myself'. The idea is to find what you really want, because there are other ways. In this case, raising confidence, eating better, dressing well, exercising will all accomplish the desired result. No diet recquired.

The same concept (sychronistically) came up in a client session today, and my client put it perfectly. "Find the longing behind the should". When you find the desire fuelling the should, you will find the drive to do what you want to do...and it won't be a should, must, have to or ought to anymore. It'll be a want. Much easier...and no diet recquired!

love

Donna.x

To Start With

2008-01-21T16:23:00.000Z

Do you have a project that is lying unfinished, unattended to, unloved that you actually really WANT to do, but never seem to get to? My project for this category is my ebook(s)/Ecourse(s). I really want to get them done, I am constantly meeting people who would enjoy them and find them useful, and yet I never seem to get to writing them.

So guess how I started the day today? Yes, I set my timer for an hour and wrote. Funnily enough, once I got into it, I actually went way past the hour. And having done that, I can continue with my usual fannying about for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge that the one thing I really wanted to get to today has been done already.

Move the projects that mean the most to you up your priority list. If you can, start the day with them. Or start the evening with them (before Eastenders!). The most important choice you make is what you choose to make important.

Love

Donna.x

Time For a Clearout

2008-01-18T12:44:00.000Z

It's coming to that time for me again, the time when I feel like I need to throw some stuff out! Early spring cleaning.

If you feel like joining me in a clearout, remember if you don't love it, let it go.

Have a great weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Playing the Game

2008-01-17T13:08:00.000Z

The Game of Life.

How are you playing? Are you fighting over ever throw of the dice, taking it all personally, giving up after a few throws, deciding that you will never win so why play, getting pissed off with other players for getting the wins that you wanted, sulking, taking it very seriously or being enormously competitive?

In other words, are you forgetting that it's a game? Life (in my humble opinion) is FUN! We get to do some really cool stuff on this planet - dancing, laughing, horizontal exercise ;-), bouncing, loving, being with friends, watching crap tv, seeing the sunrise and set, watching the seasons turn and the kids grow.

When you remember that its a game to be played and enjoyed, you can change your experience of it. Instead of it being hard and stressful, it becomes easy and fun...and you get to learn to play better rather than making the same mistakes over again. And the best thing about this game? There are no losers. You can only win the game of life.

Love

Donna.x

What a BUZZ!

2008-01-16T15:29:00.001Z

I am really buzzing today (unimaginable on Monday, when I was busy having a BAD DAY!). Part of the difference (as well as being more cheerful in general!) is that i went to my Toastmasters club last night and reconnected with the lovely people there. I went to Toastmasters initially to learn to be a good speaker, and discovered to my rapture that it was great fun, I've met some lovely friends, AND I'm a far better speaker.

But over recent months, I've not been to my club. First it was a holiday, then I lost my uncle and was in no mood to go out, then it was winter and cold and dark, then I'd got out of the habit and forgotten how wonderful it was! Honestly, if you have any interest in public speaking, in improving your confidence, or in meeting some really interesting and fun people, go find yourself a Toastmasters club.

Love

Donna.x

A weather lesson

2008-01-15T16:31:00.000Z

"All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism."

I've seen this one a few times before, and always love it! Thanks to my mate Hils who sent the e-mail containing this today. Ain't it true? We brits love to discuss (moan) about the weather...but it takes absolutely no notice. Just carries on doing it's own thing.

Imagine it. You are oblivious to what 'other people' might say or think, you just carry on doing your own thing... How might you have lived your life differently? How could you live life differently now? It's your life, are you the one living it?

Love

Donna.x

Feeling Very Monday-ish

2008-01-14T17:12:00.000Z

I've been feeling very Monday-ish today. When I started working for myself, I deliberately arranged Mondays so that I wouldn't have to feel Monday-ish. Today, it didn't work. I am feeling under-enthused, unmotivated, uninspired, not really like working at all.

In fact, I've felt like doing chores! It's most unlike me, I normally hate doing chores because I'd rather do something interesting. Not today, I'm just in the mood for repetitive, boring things I don't really need to concentrate on.

Now you'd think as a coach, I would be 'geeing myself up' and employing positive thinking techniques. However, I've never been a big fan of pretending I feel great when I actually feel a bit ordinary. To me, that's denial! Instead, I have spent the day just reaching for a slightly better feeling, then a slightly better one, then a slightly better one...and so on.

Massive leaps in mood are difficult, from depression to joy is a long way when you're down there. But you can feel a little better, and a little better, until you are feeling a lot better! Just remember to work from where you are. We all have monday-ish days, where we're just not feeling the best. If you can, allow yourself to be fed up for a bit, then just ask of yourself a slightly better feeling.

It's a lot easier to climb the ladder one rung at a time than to leap six feet (miss, fall down and feel even more battered and bruised than you did before!).

Love

Donna.x

Confronting Obstacles

2008-01-11T10:48:00.000Z

In a novel, Isabel Allende writes "Confront obstacles as they appear, don't waste energy fearing what you may meet in the future."

Imagine the energy you would free up if you refused to worry about anything you couldn't confront right now...not turning a blind eye, or militantly ignoring an obstacle that's biting your bum, but refusing to worry and stress over something that might never happen.

Personally, I'd have freed up about 5 years of the last 35!!!

Here's to a fear and worry free weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Knowing How to Heal You

2008-01-09T17:17:00.000Z

I was listening to a radio show today from Caroline Myss on Hay House Radio in which she mentioned that all of us know more about how to heal ourselves than we actually do. For example, we know we need more exercise, better food, more sunshine, more rest...but we don't do it.

Here's an experiment for you: Think of 3 things that you know would help your health...and this week committ to doing them.

Here's to a Happy and Healthy you!

Love

Donna.x

Back in the Saddle

2008-01-07T17:41:00.001Z

HELLO! I'm back y'all.

My apologies to anyone who expected, wanted, looked for an update on this blog over Christmas...what can I say?! I didn't really intend to be quite so offline as I was this Christmas, but I have to say, it's been marvellous! I'm only just realising just how marvelous it was to have time to just chill, and think, and plan the year, and play games, read other people's blogs, and potter about.

Now I'm back to it, and today discovered (or uncovered if you like!) my main intention for 2008 - TO ENJOY LIFE! I have been marinating in all my ideas, hopes and dreams for the coming year, and when I stopped to ask myself the one most important thing (by talking to my archetypes, wild woman, future self and so on*)...ENJOY LIFE was the one.

If you similarly wish to enjoy your life this year, I'd like to share 2 practices with you that I started (again) today:

1. Toleration busting - this is where you make a list of 100 things that are irritating you - from the dusty laptop to the 10 extra p0unds you're carrying. From the itsy-bitsy unimportant things to the life changing. Once you've got stuff on your list, the game is to fix one thing a day (at least). Pick the easiest thing to change...you will be amazed at how much energy this frees up, and how much more enjoyment you start getting from life without this minor irritations.

2. The list of stuff you love to do. 100 things you love doing - the game here is to do as many of them as you can fit in on a daily basis...you may not be able to walk on the beach daily, but you can read a book for 10 minutes. Again, you'll be amazed at how great this exercise is! You start to notice how much stuff you do that you love, and to enjoy it fully...like you do when you're new to something, really appreciating the stuff you get to do.

Love Life

Love

Donna.x
* By the way, if you're interested in archetypes, future selves, etc, feel free to get in touch - I love doing this stuff!!!

A Present of Joy for Christmas Day

2007-12-20T19:09:00.001Z

I was just speaking to a client tonight, when I had a brilliant idea (which came from 'outside' of me, as all the best ideas do!). I asked my client to write a list of all the things they have done this year to be proud of, all the fun moments they've had, all the moments of joy they can remember. Then seal this list in an envelope and open it on christmas day.

What a lovely present to yourself, to remind yourself on this one funky day of just how wonderful life is, and has been, and how great you are! So, this weekend, if you've got a few minutes to spare, dash off a list of joyful moments, things you're proud of and have achieved, and give yourself the gift of a joyful memory reel for Christmas.

Love

Donna.x
PS i suggest 100 things, but 20 will work too! Go...do, I'm off to do mine...

Ready to Receive

2007-12-20T15:01:00.000Z

Santa has a box of wealth, health, happiness, love, luck and joy for you to enjoy in 2008. Are you ready to receive it? Put it this way, if you have a hard time accepting a compliment, you might struggle a bit to receive all this good stuff!!!

This Christmas, play with the idea that you do deserve ALL the good things that come your way (and if you are unfortunate enough to receive 'bad' things this xmas, you deserve BETTER!). Get ready to receive the wealth, health, happiness, love, luck and joy...

Because you ARE worth it.

Love

Donna.x

Mayhem Outside, Hibernation Inside

2007-12-19T16:38:00.001Z

Listening to the radio today, I heard there were traffic jams, people out manically shopping and general chaos. I was in it myself yesterday when I popped to town to finish my shopping. It's mad out there. In here, there is a roaring fire, blankets, books, writing materials and drinks. I'm set for the night - I will be staying in the warm and the peace and the quiet (well, quiet-ish - the radio is blaring!).

It's winter-time, it's December, it's cold (in England anyway), it's a time when the rest of nature hibernates...and we all go bananas Christmas shopping! What's wrong with this picture? I have long been of the opinion that we should get December off work to just chill, and sleep, and hibernate. (And a summer month off to enjoy summer, but that's another story!) This December, gift yourself at least one night to sit in front of a warm fire with a book and your choice of food and drink.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Relax...

Love

Donna.x

Happy Christmas Your Arse

2007-12-18T19:42:00.000Z

In all the furore over 'Fairytale of New York', I realised a HUGE mistake in my newsletter this week - I quoted 'Merry Christmas your arse' instead of 'Happy Christmas your arse'. Oopsie. My apologies.

If you haven't seen the (ridiculous) furore, Radio 1 decided to bleep out 'faggot' from the song in case it offended batches anywhere, or something, and then changed their mind. The only good thing about this absurdity is the exposure the song gets...I do hope it gets to number one!

I am slightly reluctant to point it out in case it causes another furore, but has anyone noticed they say 'arse'?! OH MY GOD. I'm stunned people haven't been complaining for the last 20 years about it.

Hopefully they have better things to do with their time. Sing with me 'It was Christmas Eve babe, in the drunk tank'...

Love

Donna.x

A Letter To Father Christmas

2007-12-17T14:43:00.000Z

When was the last time you wrote a letter to Father Christmas? 10, 20, 30, too many years! I know that when we're about 8 we discover that Father Christmas isn't real...and then the magic gradually seeps out of Christmas. I got an e-mail today from Sarah Ban Breathnach reminding me to send my letter to Santa...and reconnect to the magic of the season, which funnily enough was also the subject of my newsletter today.

That letter to Father Christmas seems like a darn fine way to do that to me...and WHAT IF all the grown-ups were wrong, and there really is a Santa?!

Love

Donna.x

Stuck for Words

2007-12-14T14:39:00.000Z

I have been sat in front of my laptop for the past 10 minutes, wondering what to write...after all, I've only been in the office 1 day so far this week, and therefore only one blog entry. Guess what? I can't think of a darned thing to write. The ridiculous thing is that I have about 200 ideas in my notebook...but none of them are inspiring anything today.

I wonder if that's because I am trying to write because I 'should' and I don't want to let readers down instead of because I want to and have something to say? Think I've hit the nail on the head there!

Do you find that when you do something because you 'should' it is harder to do than when you want to? What can you do to do more you want and less you should?

My answer is 'yes', and I can finish here...without saying anything...

Love

Donna.x

Exploding Myths

2007-12-12T16:57:00.000Z

Over the weekend I was in Dublin for my cousin's wedding - magnificent by the way - and exploded a myth that I had long held. The myth was that I couldn't enjoy an occassion like a wedding when I was the only sober person there. (Once upon a time I was a big drinker, and it was the 'happy sauce' to my night's out!) On Friday I had 3 halves of lager in 7 hours (not enough to get even me drunk!) and had a marvelous time!

Not only that, I didn't do anything embarrassing, I got up for breakfast (a first!) and I wasn't at all hungover...so even though I didn't stay up til half five like some of the cousins, I actually enjoyed the wedding more! This will come as no surprise to the more sober among you, but it did genuinely surprise me - I hadn't realised how much I believed this myth that drink was my happy sauce.

What myths are you believing? What if I were to tell you that it's all a story? We make up stories about everything...who we are, what is happening in our lives, what we need and don't need, other people's motives (which we can't possibly know!). And then we act as if the stories are real. Just for this week, notice what stories you are telling yourself, and ponder the possibility that the exact opposite is true!

Love

Donna.x

Mising In Action

2007-12-05T14:39:00.000Z

Tomorrow I'm off to Dublin for a family wedding, then when I get back it's me birthday, then I'm off to see the Nutcracker next Tuesday (so obviously I can't work all day!), so I've pretty much got the next week off! It did occur to me that I could do some work Sunday night when I get back from Dublin, and on Tuesday morning/early afternoon. But do you know what? I'm not going to!

Well, I might. But if I do, it'll be because that's what I feel like doing, not because I 'should'. I love the idea of being totally conscientious, but frankly, it makes me very tired. So, for the next week, I will be Missing In Action. And that action will be Enjoying My Life.

If you were to give yourself a bit of a break from what you 'should' do, what could you do instead over the next week?

Love

Donna.x

Your Fairy Godmother

2007-12-04T17:24:00.000Z

Imagine that you had a Fairy Godmother who could grant every wish you have...what would you put on your list?

Take a couple of minutes now and list what you would wish for if she could wave that magic wand...

And not just 'enough money to pay my bills' or 'a nice car' - really have some fun with this! On my list are 'houses in Sydney, Western Australia, Ireland and a gorgeous Georgian house in England', £1 billion, a cure for cancer.

It's just a bit of fun...enjoy!

Love

Donna.x

Infecting the World

2007-12-03T17:14:00.000Z

"Biggins is about making the world a happier place and it's infectious."

I spotted this quote in one of the Sunday papers this weekend, and I just love the idea of this! (for those who do not watch rubbish tv, Biggins is Christopher Biggins, King of the Jungle in I'm a Celebrity UK)

What are you about? Are you happy to infect the world with what you're all about? Or are you infecting the world with pessimism, irritation, unhappiness, misery? Unlike a disease, you can choose what infection you bring to the party of life.

How would you love to complete the following sentence "I am about ... and it's infectious."

Personally, I am about making the world a joyful place, and it's infectious.

Love

Donna.x

Start Where You Are

2007-11-30T11:11:00.000Z

"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to start where he was." Lao-Tzu

Love

Donna.x

Pursuing Outrageous Joy

2007-11-28T10:55:00.000Z

In one of the books I've been reading this week, I found the phrase "outrageous joy". It has totally caught my imagination, and I've decided my new 'job' is to find and bring outrageous joy. What does this mean in practice? I have thrown away the 'to do' lists, I am not doing any 'should's, I am spending more time with friends and family, and enjoying each moment as much as I can.

It feels rather good to be honest. No stress, lots of fun - what I imagine 'God' had in mind when life was created.

If your mission in life was to find and bring outrageous joy, what might change in your life?

Love

Donna.x

Enjoy the present moment

2007-11-27T17:38:00.000Z

How much of your life do you spend in the past? Moaning about it, rehashing it, being nostalgic? How much do you spend in the future? Daydreaming, wishing things were different, getting excited about next week? There is a place in life for learning from and continuing to enjoy the past AND for daydreaming and looking forward to the future, but when you are living in the past or future, you are missing the present.

You can't get this moment back...or this one...or this one. Where do you spend most of your time? Do you make up a story about what might happen in the future, and make judgements about your life based on a maybe! Hmmmmm… What would happen if you just stayed in the present moment? The future will happen no matter how much you worry about it…or how much you DON’T worry about it! And if you don’t worry about it, the present will be more fun!

Or do you live in the past? Worrying about things that have happened, regretting and/or wishing it could be like it was? Hmmmm... What would happen if you stayed in the present moment? The past has happened no matter how much you worry about it (or not!)...and if you don't, the present will be more fun!

If you really stayed present in this moment, not worrying about yesterday, or tomorrow, what could you enjoy far more? I could enjoy the feeling of typing this article, of listening to my music, and of having the dog grumbling at me from under my desk (how dare I move my legs at my own desk?!). You know what? There's a lot to appreciate in this moment - I'm glad I'm not distracted by yesterday and tomorrow!

Love

Donna.x